A Reminder That It’s Okay If You Look At Your Life And Aren’t In Love With It Right Now

I’m not okay with being alone.

And that’s okay.

I’m not a fan of fairy tales but I have a fairytale way of seeing my life. I’m sitting chin resting on my head, scanning the crowd for prince charming. He’s out there somewhere. I just need to wait for him. I’m playing the waiting game with myself. Because Prince Charming is out there living his best life, at least I hope he is. I’ll get my happily ever after one day. One day.

But for right now, I’m alone and it fucking sucks.

I’m not a cynic. I’m human and that’s where most people get confused. Am I not allowed to drag my feet with my head down because the loneliness is too much? Do people forget that they were once in my position? And if they say no, they’re fucking lying. It’s human nature to want some kind of connection with someone else, whether it be a physical connection or emotional connection. The idea of being alone is fucking terrifying and I can say that because I’m living the idea. Being alone is the best and worst thing that can happen to someone. The best because you are able to fall in love with yourself. The worst because you end up getting tired of yourself. To be quite frank, I’m fucking sick of myself.

And that’s okay.

I’m not okay with being alone. I’m not okay being the only one in my group of friends who doesn’t have someone to go home to or text or call. I’m not okay with my mother asking me when I’m going to get a boyfriend because I’m 23 years old and I’m starting to worry her. I’m not okay with the love songs that start playing on my phone whenever I put it on the shuffle. But as a human being, I’m allowed to feel this way. It’s understandable, isn’t it?

I don’t hate myself. I don’t regret the decisions I’ve made in my past that have led me to where I am today. I don’t think this is some kind of cosmic karma for breaking someone’s heart over five years ago. I’m just alone. There’s no reason why. It’s just the stage of my life that I’m in now and I can question that all I want, as long as I remind myself it’s merely a stage. Life is full stages.

And that’s okay.