We have never met, and I doubt we ever will. However, not knowing you has never stopped me from having imaginary conversations with you, or from thinking about what you must be like. I used to envy you. I used to be jealous of you. I used to want nothing more than to be you.
But not anymore.
In this moment, I don’t know if my heart aches more for myself, or for you. See, I get to leave him behind, and I get to move on. I get to find someone who will love me, and who won’t fault me for caring. I get to find someone who will be there to hold onto during the tears, instead of being the one who caused them. I’ll get to find someone who loves me, and only wants me. Someone who will fall in love with me, with all my flaws and my edges; someone who won’t want to change me.
My heart aches for you because you won’t get that. My heart aches for you because even though I don’t know you, and even though we’re not friends, you deserve better. We all do.
If we were friends, I would tell you to run. I would tell you to slam the door and leave him and all of his shit behind. You don’t deserve someone who says he loves you but doesn’t know what the definition of love is. You don’t deserve someone who is searching for lust elsewhere the moment you turn your back.
You deserve to know true happiness. You might think that that’s what this is. You might think that looking into his eyes there is no truer vision of the future. You’re probably so excited to start your lives together. From now until forever. Forever. Today is the beginning of the rest of your life. And my heart aches for you if you choose to spend it with him. But oh how easy it is to fall for him. I should know.
I hope you are a strong woman. If not, you’ll be forced to grow into one. Because one day, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next year, maybe not five years from now, but one day, he will break you.
I hope this day does not come. And I hope that he changes. But I know he won’t.
He’ll think he has. He’ll think that he finally knows what it means to be in love. He already thinks he does. But he doesn’t. He wants to love you. He wants to believe that he is the man for you. And he truly does believe that you are the woman for him. He thinks you’re too smart for him, and he’s probably right. It’s funny isn’t it? How you can be so intelligent and yet so naïve?
I hope that one day he truly starts loving you in the way you deserve to be loved. I hope that he can be the prince, the one you dreamt about when you were a little girl. I hope that he can sweep you off your feet on his white horse, and that it is magical, because we all deserve a little magic in our lives. But if this doesn’t happen, and if he causes you pain, I hope more than anything that you learn to walk away. That you learn that he doesn’t deserve a second chance, and certainly not a third or a fourth, or however many you will want to give him. He’ll beg and he’ll plead, he might even cry.
I hope you have the strength and the courage to slowly walk away.
But if we were friends, I would tell you to run.