When You’re The One Who Cares The Most

Emran Kassim
Emran Kassim

When you’re the one who cares the most, you often feel lost.

You feel confused, and you feel hurt. You can’t understand why the other person doesn’t care about you, or why they don’t show it, or how they don’t see that what they’re doing is hurting you.

You keep giving.

You give and you give until you have absolutely nothing left, and then you give some more. This is because they take. They take and they suck you dry. They know it’s killing you; they watch it break you, and they don’t care. You put them first; they put themselves first; and so they win, and you’re left empty, broken, with nothing left to give.

When you’re the one who cares the most, you cry yourself to sleep at night.

You prioritize people who don’t think about you. You value everyone else’s feelings over your own.

You care.

You keep caring even when they give you reasons not to. You forgive. You keep forgiving. They take advantage of your forgiveness. They take advantage of your love. They take advantage of you, of your kindness. You see this but you don’t stop.

You can’t stop.

Not when you’re the one who cares the most.

When you’re the one who cares the most, you will die of heartbreak.

You will die of disappointment. Loving others is what is going to kill you. They mean the world to you, but your tears mean nothing to them. You spend your life saving them, but when you tell them you’re dying, they watch you go.

They don’t fight for you, and it breaks your heart.

When you’re the one who cares the most, you want to beg them to care about you, but you don’t.

You want to ask why they don’t love you, but you can’t. You sit on your floor and cry so that the next time you see them you can smile. Your heart keeps breaking into smaller and smaller pieces. These pieces get lost throughout your life so that even when you want to repair your heart, you can’t.

There are holes.

Holes that they made when they tore through you.

When you’re the one who cares the most, you walk around wounded.

Scars from your past mark your body. The pain you’ve experienced runs through your veins and paints your face. You smile and laugh because you know it’s what they want to see, and you want to make them happy. That’s all you want.

But no one cares about your happiness.

No one cares to know that you’re okay; no one cares about the tears; no one cares.

He doesn’t care.

When you’re the one who cares the most, you do small things to make his day brighter and better.

You get him presents and surprises when he’s down. You take care of him when he’s sick. You give him everything, and he takes it all, and he gives you nothing back. He’ll take all of you. He’ll destroy you. He’ll say it’s because he loves you.

But it’s not love, because you don’t destroy the people you love.

When you’re the one who cares the most, you’ll disappear.

You’ll fade. You’ll vanish. And maybe one day they’ll search for you, but you’ll have nothing left to give, and no love left in your heart. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Melisa Ergin

Following my heart and writing about where it takes me.

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