Some Firsthand Lessons In Unrequited Love

There are few things more painful than unrequited love. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back feels like a cruel joke the Universe is playing on you. How do I know this? Because I’ve experienced it firsthand, and while I’m still trying to make sense of it, here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Time will not change their feelings.

Love is a fickle thing. It can’t be described in words—they don’t do it justice. It can’t be won or bought. Love just is. And you’ll know it’s true love when it’s unlike anything you’ve experienced before. It will have a magical, ethereal quality to it. But what happens when the one you love doesn’t feel the same way? Well, simply put, nothing happens. Nothing happens because you can’t make someone love you. You can wish or pray on the stars or hope that time will change their mind all you want, but if it’s not there for someone, it’s quite simply not meant to be. I know this feels harsh and is not what you want to hear, but trust me, the sooner you accept this fact, the better off you will be. It won’t make things any easier. The heartbreak will still sting like a sword through the heart no matter what, but the sooner you acknowledge this reality, the sooner you can start the process of moving on.

2. Life isn’t always fair, but it’s always serving your highest good. 

If you’re anything like me, you’ve waited a lifetime to find true love. You’ve dated several people, all great, but just not quite right. Something was missing from those relationships, and you didn’t know what until you met your unrequited love. So why on earth, when you meet the one that feels like home, the one that makes your soul light on fire, would the Universe send you someone that doesn’t feel the same? I don’t know the answer yet, but I have to believe there is one. There is a reason this person has come into your life to challenge what you think and feel to be true. It may not be obvious to you yet, but as you look back on your journey, maybe 5-10 years from now, you will know exactly why that person entered your life in the season that they did. You will begin to understand why they didn’t or couldn’t love you back. Perhaps they came into your life to teach you self-love. Perhaps they entered your life to crack your heart open deeper than ever before so that it can be sealed and mended with gold, making it stronger and more beautiful than ever before. You don’t need to know the why right now—that will be revealed in time. Just know you are not alone. Unrequited love is sadly very common, but out of it comes beautiful stories of resurrection, soul-touching music and pieces of art. There is beauty in the pain, always. You just have to uncover it.

3. Your wounds will be healed.

There is no heartache quite like that of unrequited love. Pouring your heart into someone who can’t return the favor is draining. Love is supposed to be a two-way street, with both people filling each other’s love buckets up so no one gets depleted. If the person you love can’t meet you halfway, they don’t deserve you. You deserve a love that matches your own. One that fills your heart with more joy than sadness. As with anything in life, this too shall pass. The ache you feel over this unrequited love will become a thing of the past. You may always think of this person, but you’ll stop wishing it had turned out differently and will begin to appreciate the part they played in your life. In a world of 8 billion people and growing, there is someone out there for you that will feel the same intense love for you that you feel for them. Don’t lose hope.

4. Don’t settle.

Just because the one you love this time doesn’t return your love doesn’t mean you need to lose hope and move on to someone that will fill the void. It’s easy to give up and settle for someone who is good enough and treats you well. But don’t give up on true love! The person who you will have a harmonious mind, body, spirit connection with is out there! He or she may not show up on your timeline, but they will show up. It may take years, but it’s worth the wait. Don’t look back on your life and realize you settled into something that was convenient and comfortable–life and love is about so much more! Wait for the person that helps you grow spiritually and emotionally. The person that helps you understand who you truly are. The one that loves and supports you unconditionally. The one that makes you feel like home.

Unrequited love isn’t often talked about. I mean, who wants to admit they love someone that doesn’t love them back? But I promise you, you’re not alone in your feelings. Many before you have experienced the pain and sadness of unrequited love, and many more will follow you. But the ones that move on, the ones that move past the pain and sadness, are the ones that can appreciate the situation for what it is. The people that realize that this situation, like any trying situation, is in their life to teach them something. The people who know they deserve more and keep themselves open to love are the ones that come all out all the better for having loved and lost. Unrequited love doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. It simply isn’t meant to be at this point in your life.

Trust the Universe’s plan for you and know that good things are coming your way.