I travel to our blink of a relationship every day.
I float in the east coast water, stumble out of the local bars, visit strange cities, and eat our favorite foods at our favorite places. I see your car everywhere that you let me drive hungover, I see your smile and laugh at things no one else would understand. I fall in love with you, and relive every moment we spent together every day.
Who put a timeline on when we get over someone?
For anyone out there that feels as though it has taken a long time (too long) to forgive, forget, and move on, you’re not alone.
There is no established number of days that define when we should stop thinking, loving, and feeling for someone that made our hearts feel so full yet may have left scars in every corner.
Know that it is all in good time; we make a conscious decision and whatever we are doing right now, whatever we are feeling, is exactly what we are supposed to be doing and feeling.
Some of us venture off into the world of alcohol and partying, some of us burrow in our caves, allow ourselves to grieve, feel every bit of pain or we force ourselves to feel nothing at all and whichever we choose, it is totally and undoubtedly okay.
I’ve researched every aspect of moving on: how to, when it is the right time, what it all means, and all I have concluded is that there is no how to or right time.
We do everything when we are meant to do it.
If we are caught up on someone for seven days, seven months or years, it is natural and something we need to stop beating ourselves up over. The pain is there to tell us something, to tell us that it was real and that we have the capacity to love. Isn’t that what life is really all about?
We wonder why something creeps into our timeline or life that reminds us of past loves and permit it to manipulate our thoughts and emotions when we are the only ones allowed to do so. We need to allow ourselves to feel all we need to feel, cry if we must, then try again tomorrow. There is nothing wrong with how we choose to heal; we end up seeing – maybe days or months or years down the line – how far we have come.
I never thought I would get over my past relationship. I never cried so hard, pleaded until my voice abandoned me, and wrote novels until my fingers bled asking for another chance. I still think about him, worry about him, see him in all that I do, our city, all the new cities I venture to as means of escape. It hurts, pulls on my heart strings, but when I look back to this time last year, I’m a hell of a lot better. I’m a lot stronger and pray that he is well and as happy as possible.
We have this tendency to be so hard on ourselves as we compare our lives and our loves to those we see on social media. When we realize that only a fraction of someone’s life and relationship is portrayed to us, we can stop idolizing and comparing, and just be.
We wonder if it was really love, or just infatuation, a fling, but once again, there is not a set time that defines love for us. I didn’t know I loved someone until I lost them; once I finally had them, I lost myself trying to keep them. I summed our short lived relationship to nothing in order to move on, but as time went on and I forgot about other short relationships, still hung up on one from another time, I realize how totally and completely out of my mind I was and still am for him. And that’s okay, I finally awakened a part of me I didn’t know I had and was adamant I didn’t need – the ability to simply love: others, myself, and this beautiful life.
We will keep replaying, reliving, struggling to forget, forever holding on to those that have affected us. This is a remarkable part of life – the good and the bad.
All the pain, the tears, the frustrations, help us to identify what we love, hate, stand for and give leeway to.
I sound like a cliché self-help book, but it’s real, it’s true, and I can vouch for all the other writers out there trying to help people like us.
If you think you’re doing things wrong, taking too long, or still hurting, embrace it because the only way to get through anything is to feel it and live it and let it move through you.
You’re not alone.