And so the ebbs and flows of life continue. One day it feels as if I am finally on the path to moving forward; I get an inspirational idea, feelings of peace, a heart full of gratitude, time with unexpected friends…hope. Then comes that restless sleep with my mind subconsciously racing and I wake with bags under my eyes, a heavy heart, full of doubt, fears and literally just scared shitless wondering if I’m crazy. Thinking to myself… How does this keep happening? Just a moment ago I was feeling all in with an idea and had hope for a new direction, but then awake in an uncomfortable space feeling as if I am in another physical body. I have to admit, holding onto who I am, who I desire to become, while constantly stretching and growing is the fucking hardest thing I have ever done my entire life. I’m in a daily battle for my true self.
So I allow it, my welling tears…the feelings of defeat, confusion, and fear; and with deep breaths I look at my new absolutely amazing tattoo that reads “I resist and I survive” and turn on my favorite inspirational tune. This short four minute and 47 second slice of life brings me peace, joy and with deep breaths some relief from the uncomfortable. Then looking in the mirror, I remind myself aloud some of my favorite positive affirmations and that I’m living in extremely uncomfortable fear, which is a sure sign that I’m on the right path. The ebbs and flows of life will be sure to grow and stretch me further and knowing this reminds me of my unshakable faith and continuous road to recovery.
I don’t follow the norm, I don’t settle for less, I don’t give up pieces of myself to anyone anymore – I do follow my heart, I do dream big, I do take risks, I am learning to love myself more everyday, I am a badass, I am one of a kind, I am courageous, I inspire others. This is resistance, a constant fight for courage to defy being anyone other than myself, and I’ll survive.
Dear 2017; thank you for the life lessons, self-growth, unbelievable travel, and wonderful memories of places and people I’ve met around this gobsmacking incredible planet we share.
Dear 2018; thank you for all of the same and more as I feel the need to express my gratitude in advance this year. There is no start or end to years in my opinion, but a continuous loop and the celebration of a New Year offers people the opportunity for self-reflection.
I challenge you to celebrate and reflect more than January 1st this year. Do it as often as you are reminded. Be uncomfortable, grow, reflect, celebrate and ride the waves, both ebbs and flows of life, with me and countless others on similar journeys. Don’t fight for a new you, but rather fight for the real you, who you know yourself to be deep within. We can change the world together by becoming and honoring who we are…this is the fight for self, this is resistance, and we will survive.
Cheers to you…you alluring and valiant being!