1. You start going to bed at an insanely early hour.
2. You start waking up at an insanely early hour, too. Even on weekends.
3. You spend more money on groceries because you eat so many more meals at home.
4. Grocery shopping and meal prep excite you.
5. You no longer care so much about trying the hottest new restaurant in town as soon as it opens. You’d much rather wait until all the hubbub dies down.
6. You say things like “hubbub.”
7. All your FOMO (fear of missing out) magically transforms into JOMO (the joy of missing out).
8. You complain about how hard it is to figure out what to watch on Netflix or Amazon Prime or Hulu or even network tv.
9. Seriously, you sometimes spend thirty to forty minutes just researching the various streaming options, which seems ridiculous.
10. You dream, briefly, of creating an app or a service that will solve the what-to-watch problem.
11. But then you realize that launching a startup is a serious amount of work that would detract from time at home, so you shelve your great idea (and all your Shark Tank dreams) for the time being.
12. You’ll have time to invent something later. Or you won’t. Does it even matter? You have everything you’ve ever wanted right at home!
13. You marvel at your former self for having such an intense social life.
14. Nowadays, you’d much rather stay home than do pretty much anything else.
15. The few social events you do commit to are super special—birthday dinners and celebratory occasions for only your closest family and friends.
16. When you do attend a social gathering, you’re very likely to “houdini” at an early hour without apology.
17. Your “going out” wardrobe is pretty much non-existent at this stage.
18. But you do own LOTS of leisure wear. You’re pretty much the Queen of Comfy, and you’re proud of it.
19. In retrospect, heels seem like SO MUCH work. You have trouble remembering why you own so many pairs when there are so many awesome sneakers out there.
20. You fucking love a discount.
21. You will actually Google promo codes before checking out your online cart. And feel sincere satisfaction when it actually works out.
22. You protect your calendar at all costs. You have zero problem telling a fib if it’ll get you out of doing anything other than spending time with your people at home.
23. You read lots of books.
24. And look forward to extra sleep on weekends rather than extra drinks.
25. You do lots of face masks and own things like scented bath crystals that you actually use.
26. You reject makeup on weekends, unless it’s a special occasion like your best friend’s wedding.
27. You haven’t been wretchedly hungover in a shockingly long time.
28. You enjoy rituals like “movie night” and “game night”—without a sense of irony.
29. You do fun stuff during the day to get out of the house on weekends, but you’re exhausted by late afternoon and psyched that you’ve got nothing to do but eat dinner by the time you get home.
30. You finally understand the value in slowing down and appreciating the life you’ve built rather than chasing whatever the hell you were chasing before.