Thought Catalog

You’re Not Really A Mom Until You Experience These 25 Ridiculous Moments

  • 0

1. Laughing out loud with your significant other over the velocity with which your baby is capable of shooting poop from its butt.

2. Actually pausing to measure the distance the “volcano poo” traveled from the changing table to the floor.

3. Getting peed, pooped, or vomited on—and not getting THAT mad about it.

4. Listening to your baby expel a massive liquidy fart immediately after changing their diaper.

5. And then watching in disbelief as they smile wide, like it’s nbd that you have to wipe their genitals, pat them dry, apply the cream, and fasten the diaper all over again.

6. Getting caught in the line of poo fire right as you move to position clean diaper number 5,348 of the day onto their tiny body.

7. Calculating just how bad of a mom you’d be for waiting just a LITTLE bit longer to change that ridiculously full diaper.

8. Wondering how bad of a mom you’d be for waiting just a LITTLE bit longer to address your baby’s desperate cries in the middle of the night.

9. Asking your child what the hell you’ve done to deserve their wails, fully aware that they’re incapable of formulating a response other than continuing to cry and/or drooling a little.

10. Wondering if there’s something seriously wrong with your baby because they just won’t stop fussing.

11. And then Googling yourself down a terrifying rabbit hole of possible diagnoses for the “symptoms” your baby is exhibiting (namely, “won’t stop crying”).

12. Catching yourself singing some horribly embarrassing tune you’ve concocted in the moment in an attempt to amuse—and, more importantly, quiet—your child.

13. Realizing that it’s 4pm and you’ve totally forgotten to eat lunch because you’re that busy tending to another human’s needs.

14. Wondering wtf happened to all that “me time” you once squandered.

15. Until your daydream is cut short by yet another teeny tiny human demand.

16. Making a meal out of the strangest combination of foods in your fridge because you really don’t have time for things like grocery shopping anymore.

17. Deciding that YES YOU CAN go one more day without washing your hair because there’s really no amount of grease a braid can’t fix.

18. Deciding that it doesn’t actually matter if your nail polish is disastrously chipped as you head out the door.

19. And that catching up on unanswered emails, texts and phone calls can certainly wait a few more months.

20. Noticing that you’ve put an item of clothing on backwards or inside out. And then quickly disregarding the idea of fixing your sartorial flub before leaving the house.

21. Feeling intense resentment followed by a wave of intense fondness for the creature that wakes you at 3am by screeching in the middle of your REM cycle.

22. Taking a walk at some ungodly hour like midnight or 4am just to soothe your baby and get out of the house.

23. Cursing the person who suggests you just “sleep when your baby sleeps,” as if it’s possible to fall asleep on command at noon after downing several cups of coffee to wake up that morning.

24. Staring down any stranger who dares cough, sneeze, or wipe their nose in the vicinity of your newborn.

25. Waking up wondering what happened last night—not because you were drunk, but because you’re so exhausted you actually can’t remember. TC mark

Mélanie Berliet

I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. There's more!

This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather
“The right words at the right moment, this is the kind of book you have to read when your heart is trying to heal.” – Charly
Let go now
Powered by Revcontent

Poetry Lovers! 💖

Love a soft person. The ones who are positive, even in the worst of circumstances. Someone whose strength is not in bravado, but in their quiet. Someone who is strong for others because that is what is needed in that moment. Someone who is the moon that soothes instead of the sun that burns. Someone who sees the very best in people even when you think they aren’t worth it. The kind of person who always wants to do the best for those they love.

“I bought this on a whim to read as I was resting for the night, and I do not regret it one bit! Everything about the poetry in this book is amazing, heart breaking, and soul searching. It will lift your spirits on your darkest days. I want to thank the author so much for writing this, as it’s something I will be rereading a lot! Always remember, everything about you is important. You matter.” —McKayla

Click to heal your heart

More From Thought Catalog

You’re Not Really A Mom Until You Experience These 25 Ridiculous Moments is cataloged in , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,