1. “I’m in the desert, practically dying of thirst, when I come upon a naked dude just lying there in the sand, sleeping in the fetal position at the base of a cactus. I spot his dick and it’s erect and my first thought is: Cum! Thank God! Then I suck him off just to quench my thirst. He never even wakes up—just coos a little and wiggles his pelvis.” — Marta, 30

2. “I dreamt that I was at work and everything was normal except for one thing: Every hour, on the hour, an announcement would come over the loudspeaker declaring a Masturbation Break. My colleagues and I would immediately start jerking ourselves off, mostly out of fear of this dominatrix inspector parading the floor, who would punish anyone who failed to partake. Post climax, we’d resume work like it was nbd.” — Rick, 33

3. “I play the saxophone in real life, so I’ve got a thing for instruments, you could say. This isn’t a fetish I practice in my waking life, but I have a recurring dream that the conductor of the jazz band I’m in is fucking me alternately with a clarinet and a flute—he has one in each hand—and when I finally orgasm, the most beautiful music plays.” — Jane, 26

4. “The other night in my dream I was a contestant on this Japanese sex game show and the challenge was to determine which of a dozen male volunteers from the audience had the hardest balls. I had to grab the nut sacks of all these guys, blindfolded, and report back. I got it right, so I got to move onto the next round and I woke up feeling soooo happy until I realized why I was feeling that sense of accomplishment and I felt super creeped out my my own brain.” — Sumitra, 29

5. “I recently had the strangest dream that my girlfriend and I lived in this fantastical land where everyone keeps a pet unicorn and the animal’s horn is a detachable, magical dildo. The men are all intimidated because these unicorn dildos feel incredible to women. Most couples only use them on special occasions, but I walk in on my girlfriend fucking herself with ours one random Monday afternoon and I’m totally despondent. I start weeping right there like I’ve been cheated on or something and she doesn’t even stop to console me because she’s that focused on getting herself off.” — Francis, 32

6. “I woke up drenched in sweat last week after dreaming that I was having the best sex of my life—with a paralyzed guy. It wasn’t clear why he was paralyzed, but he definitely couldn’t move from the waist down. He could get erections, though! I know because I was sitting on top of him in his wheelchair, massaging my bobos as I bopped up and down on his massive cock and it was amazing until the real world came roaring back.” — Kendra, 27

7. “So I’m strolling through the park feeling incredibly horny, and I think: Why wait? So I walk right up to the first attractive stranger I see, tap him on the shoulder, and offer myself up. He seems agreeable, so I jump into his arms and rip my shirt open like I’m some kind of nympho. We do it right there in front of everyone and no one even stares because in my fucked up subconscious I guess it’s normal to fuck randoms midday in public.” — Arianna, 24

8. “I didn’t get laid until college. But every few months, I have the same dream that I’m having sex with the most popular girl from high school on stage as her boyfriend, captain of the lacrosse team, watches. She’s always wearing braided pigtails and when I tug either one of them, she screams something dirty like, ‘I’m a cock hungry slut!’ and it’s awesome. She also always has multiple orgasms.” — TJ, 40

9. “My boyfriend reallllly wants to try 69—probably why I dreamt that I did it with the entire offensive line-up of his favorite football team, the Giants, last week. I was dressed in a little crop top and a pleated skirt, no panties, a pompom in each hand as I sucked off the entire locker room full of sweaty jocks, grading each one out loud on their pussy lickign performance as I went.” — Stacy, 21

10. “My husband and I have a country house and there are all these groundhogs that mess with the vegetable garden. He’s always stalking the things in reality and in my dream the other night, he finally caught one and handed it to me to cook for dinner. I skinned the thing and cooked the meat and as a surprise I attached the groundhog’s tail to his favorite butt plug, which he wore while we made love that night.” — Loretta, 27

11. “Ever wake up fully humping your pillow? I have! Every single time it happens it’s because I’m getting it on with an animal in my sleep. Last month I seduced a Koala bear—lured it into my bed with some bamboo shoots and caressed it’s face like we were seriously dating. Next thing I know, I’m fucking my pillow, trying to shake all memories of my furry nighttime friend.” — Kevin, 35

12. “I have really big boobs, and literally every guy I’ve ever hooked up with has asked to titty fuck me. In my dream, I say ‘yes’ to every dude who asks. But right when they’re about to cum, my boobs explode and they’re blinded by the sparks and dust and I lie back cackling, delighted by each conquest. I’m secretly pretty evil, I guess.” — Melissa, 31