1. Smiling even when you’re having a “meh” day because you don’t want to be associated with resting bitch face or risk being labeled “a downer.”
2. Claiming that it never takes you more than fifteen minutes to get ready to go out, or that you’re not the type to overthink your wardrobe choices.
3. Wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers even though you’d rather be in a skirt or a dress because you don’t want to be accused of trying too hard.
4. Describing yourself as a “go with the flow” type even though you’re totally not.
5. Binging on pizza and ice cream and other junk food with fake abandon, as if you’re not secretly counting the calories and/or making an internal pledge to eat really well the next few days to offset all the damage you’re doing.
6. Working out under the guise of staying healthy instead of owning the fact that you hit the gym mostly because you want to look good naked.
7. Telling dirty jokes or anti-feminist ones even though the punchlines kind of disturb you just to prove how chill you are.
8. Using macho phrases like “don’t be a pussy,” “sack up,” and “she’s got balls” to establish that you’re defniitely not one of those overly sensitive feminist types.
9. Swearing more than you’re inclined to because you don’t want to come across as too prudish or prissy.
10. Pretending to see the humor in a viral video featuring scantily clad, large breasted women acting totally ditzy that isn’t at all funny.
11. Feigning serious interest in porn, or an artificially high level of tolerance for it.
12. Asserting that you’re way more comfortable than you are with the idea of your boyfriend (actual or hypothetical) visiting a strip club and getting lap dances.
13. Claiming that you’re more sexually experienced than you actually are.
14. Claiming that you’re more sexually liberated than you are, or that you’re willing to try anything in bed because you’d rather not admit to having totally reasonable boundaries.
15. Making out with other girls randomly to corroborate your free-spiritedness even though you’re definitely 100 percent straight.
16. Doing something in bed you’re not quite ready for because you feel obligated to verify that don’t-knock-it-til-you’ve-tried-it attitude.
17. Agreeing to funnel or shotgun a beer when you’re definitely drunk enough already because you want to prove you can hack it.
18. Challenging people to play beer pong or quarters or any other drinking game to establish your party girl prowess.
19. Accepting a cigarette or a bong hit or anything you don’t actually want to inhale because you want to seem like you’re “down for whatever.”
20. Announcing that you’re way more wasted or hungover than you actually are.
21. Rallying for a night out when all you really want to do is stay home and watch bad TV from the comfort of your couch because you’re afraid of seeming lame.
22. Pretending that you’re into “the game” when you’d secretly rather be reading or surfing the web or doing anything BUT faking enthusiasm for a sporting event.
23. Downplaying just how hard you’ve studied and worked to get where you are in life.