1. Sleeping with a robot will be an awesome alternative to masturbating. Even when you incorporate toys and/or your favorite pornography, jerking off is a pretty solitary activity. Intimacy with a robot will much more closely resemble intercourse with another human, which is a major step forward in the realm of solo sex. (Remember, your vibrator’s a tiny machine anyway. Who says no to a technological upgrade?)
2. Staying single will seem a whole lot more appealing. Though it has its rewards, singledom makes getting laid regularly a bit tricky since you can’t just roll over and poke your partner with your morning wood. Once you can conveniently get your sexual fix from a resident robot—sparing yourself the tedium of logging onto some hook-up app or booty calling an ex—the prospect of staying single will be a lot less harrowing.
3. Fewer people will mistakenly enter into relationships simply because they want someone to fuck on the regular. One of the main benefits of settling into a serious relationship is that you have someone around to meet your sexual needs pretty much always. But lasting love can’t be built on the mutual desire to have more sex, so it will be a good thing when people can diddle a robot instead of partnering up in the name of increased sexual certainty.
4. Banging a robot will also be a great alternative to cheating on your significant other. For couples in monogamous relationships, the option to copulate with a robot should offset human sensual temptations. Think about it: Would you be more upset if you caught your significant other sleeping with another person, or an artificial stand-in for a man or woman? If the passion ever wanes, or you’re desperate to experiment in a way that doesn’t appeal to your partner, scratching that carnal itch with a robot will be a valuable measure if it prevents you from chasing human-on-human pleasure.
5. Less cheating will mean that fewer human relationships fall apart. With robots as a viable alternative to philandering, a leading cause of relationship disintegration, fewer long-term couples will break up and fewer marriages will likely end in divorce.
6. There will also be fewer crimes of passion. I think we can all agree that love drives people absolutely insane. Especially post betrayal, people have been known to do some truly disturbing shit. Once robots are in the mix, however, and people can quiet their desire to fuck around by fucking a human-esque machine, there will be fewer acts of disloyalty and thus fewer vengeful love-gone-wrong felonies.
7. People will be happier because sexual frustration will be far less prevalent, maybe even obsolete. When you’re not having sex as often as you’d like, life can seem pretty dreary. Once those who are aching to get laid can turn to artificially intelligent sex machines to release their libidinous tension and make them feel wanted, there will be fewer sexually frustrated people walking around feeling sad about life, which is a definite plus.
8. You won’t have to worry about catching STIs from robots. Humans are walking petri dishes of disease. Robots, not so much. Plus, every artificially intelligent machine capable of fornicating with a human will probably be equipped with self-cleaning functionality.
9. You won’t be able to get a robot pregnant, either. The number of unwanted pregnancies is likely to plummet once people can get their rocks off with a robot that can’t get pregnant even if the condom breaks or when you’re too drunk to remember to wear protection in the first place.
10. Robots will be great sexual education tools. At present, our approach to sex-ed is at best insufficient, and, at worst, terribly misleading and counterproductive. Experimenting with a robot programmed to teach young adults about their bodies could be an effective way to learn about sex without feeling awkward about taking first steps with another person, or too intimidated to ask certain questions.