1. The weirdness of catching yourself thinking about a fun future event in terms of the awesome photos you’ll get to post to social media because of it.
2. The sadness that sets in when you realize how much time you’ve spent comparing Instagram filters—right before returning to the all important task of finding the *exact right one.*
3. The accidental “like” fear that looms while cyberstalking your significant other’s ex.
4. The deliciousness of spotting an ugly (obviously untagged) photo of your significant other’s ex in a friend of a friend’s archives.
5. The satisfaction of knowing in your heart that your ex still Googles you sometimes.
6. The relief that accompanies getting someone’s voicemail when you return their call out of obligation but you want nothing less than to speak to an actual human.
7. The specific joy that comes with receiving a cancellation text just as you’re drafting one, sparing you from hitting send—and from looking like a total flake, like everyone else in your generation.
8. The guilt that sprouts up on occasion as you curate the giant lie that is your online presence.
9. The to-delete-or-not-to-delete conundrum that torments you after noticing a typo in the Tweet you just shared.
10. The moment you realize everyone at the table is staring at their smart phones instead of engaging their real life dinner companions—and that no one feels at all weird about it.
11. The awkward expression you make when you still have no idea what someone said after asking “what?” three times because you’re not really used to talking out loud.
12. The stilted way you laugh when you’ve asked someone to repeat a punchline twice and you still don’t get the joke because it’s not a meme and there’s no GIF or graphic.
13. Learning through the Internet that a derelict you looked down on in high school is now vegan and has definitely lapped you in the race to settle down.
14. Learning through the Internet that you might actually like the grown-up version of someone you loathed in high school.
15. Learning through the Internet that you actually kind of hate your celebrity crush.
16. The pleasure of re-watching all the TV commercials that marked your youth on Youtube.
17. The sadness that sets in while re-watching a movie you adored as an adolescent, only to realize that you no longer have the attention span for it.
18. The maddening act of brainstorming yet another new username and password while creating an online account.
19. Then being notified that some version of your go-to password isn’t “strong” enough to meet the security requirements.
20. The cognitive dissonance that accompanies rushing to yoga class because your phone says you have to leave NOW to get there on time.
21. Feeling slightly snubbed by someone who consistently “favorites” your Tweets but never ever ReTweets you.
22. The awareness that there are a bunch of people you feel super close to online whom you’ll definitely never meet IRL.
23. Nostalgia induced Instagram scrolling.
24. The frustration of leaving your smart phone at home accidentally and being told it’s a “blessing in disguise” to be digitally disconnected. As if.