8 Common Mistakes Men Make When Trying To Coax Their Girlfriends Into Sex


1. They wake them up “accidentally.”

It’s frustrating to wake up earlier than intended, probably even more so if you come to on the back of some awesomely sexy dreams, with a raging boner that demands attention. But morning wood is no excuse to deprive a lady of precious moments of additional sleep. It doesn’t matter how gentle or loving a man is if his tenderness is secretly intended to nudge his girlfriend out of the cocoon of peaceful rest and into wakefulness prematurely so she can service him. Yes, a lower back massage is wonderful. So is a little head scratching. Or tickling. But sleep is better. When a man tries to get laid at an unacceptable hour (any time before the alarm clock sounds, or immediately after his girlfriend falls asleep beside him) the seduction process is automatically tainted.

2. They ask for it too directly.

“Can we have sex?” isn’t a sexy question. You might as well strip lovemaking of all mystery and intrigue. No form of this question will inspire a woman to get naked and hump a man. Directness can be hot, but not when couched in an interrogative sentence. On most occasions, a mab would be better off going with an exclamation (“Let’s have sex!”) or even a command (“Have sex with me, Babe”).

3. They scramble for a future guarantee.

Every couple is bound to face some logistical barriers to having sex in the moment when one person is insanely horny. Perhaps it’s natural for a man to want to lock down a sex guarantee in the near future under such circumstances. Regardless, questions like, “Can we have sex right when I get back, around 9pm?” and “Can we do it the second we get home?” will not serve the male inquisitor well. These questions corner a woman into a “yes” answer, and no one likes to feel pushed into sex—even gently, by someone they love. It’s one thing to create a sex schedule together and quite another for a woman to feel like she has to agree to a future must-fuck to keep her man happy. Instantly, she puts herself at risk of upsetting her boyfriend if she happens to undergo a serious mood change in the time between making a promise and having to meet her commitment. It’s rewarding to please your significant other, but the pressure to please is stifling when thrust upon you.

4. They make a move when obviously turned on by another woman.

Modern women tend to check out other people freely, and to forgive their boyfriends readily for doing the same thing. It’s understandable for a man to be distracted by a gorgeous female specimen, and for him to elevator eye her while grinning stupidly and assessing just how fuckable she is. But it’s unreasonable for a man to make a sexual advance towards his girlfriend immediately after ogling someone else, in passing or on TV. If you both happen to be equally turned on by a third party, great. But when a man is the only one experiencing temporary infatuation, he should let it rest a bit before making his move. There should always be some space between “Damn, Cara Delevigne is banging” and expressing tenderness towards one’s IRL lover. No one wants to ride anyone else’s arousal coattails, or to wonder whether or not their partner is actually thinking about them during sex.

5. They flatter them too transparently.

Men and women alike benefit from the reassurance that their partner finds them sexy. When genuine, flattery is an incredibly effective form of foreplay. Compliments that arrive unexpectedly are especially impactful. But statements dripping with insincerity have the opposite of their intended effect. The man who comes home horny and overdoes it by telling his girlfriend how hot she looks (when she definitely doesn’t), or starts spewing flowery statements about her in a detached, robotic manner isn’t likely to get much action. He might earn himself a mercy fuck designed to shut him up, but the sex won’t be wonderful. Better not to compliment your partner at all than to do it without a shred of authenticity.

6. They “peacock.”

Confidence is sexy. Women tend to respond well to self-assurance in a man, and vice versa. So couples should celebrate each other’s achievements, big and small, regularly. But the effect of over-confidence is polar to its close cousin confidence. When a man “peacocks,” strutting around boasting about how awesome he is, women see immaturity and insecurity—not the traits that will get a guy laid. Peacocking in jest can be funny, but the don’t-you-just-wanna-jump-my-sexy-bones routine usually only works for a few minutes.

7. They try too hard.

A little effort can go a long way, and no man should feel discouraged from putting time, energy, or thought into wooing his girlfriend, especially after years of being together. That said, overproducing the scene can work against a man. When too much work goes into creating the perfect setting and/or imbuing an evening with romance, it can make a woman feel somewhat obligated. Grand gestures come with grand expectations, after all, and no one wants to be a grand disappointment. Remember: One long stem rose is often hotter than two dozen. And spontaneity will always get the loins going more than any detailed plan will.

8. They wrestle without knowing their own strength.

Wrestling is fun. It can be erotic to engage in a good match with your boyfriend or girlfriend. But the truth is that a lot of men are physically stronger than their female partners. As sexy as it can be to get tangled in each other’s limbs, when a man gets too competitive and pins his girlfriend down for too long, what was once a sensual game quickly becomes terrifying. If a man provokes his partner into a round of passionate wrestling, he should know his own strength, and check himself regularly. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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