1. Let’s brainstorm some badass nicknames for the clitoris.
When you search for âpenisâ in WebMD, the result is an accurate human anatomy chart. Search for âclitoris,â and the top search results are for vulvar cancer treatment and genital piercing. This should come as no surprise to anyone whoâs gone through years of sex-ed classes without ever hearing mention of an organ critical to female sexual pleasure. Whatâs in a name? A lot, actually. Writes Dr. Mintz, âSome scholars contend that by relegating womanâs most important sexual organ to nameless invisibility, we are engaged in a psychological genital mutilationâa linguistic and symbolic clitoridectomy.â Meanwhile, the many nicknames we have for penis, including Dick, Peter, and Johnson, reflect overall comfort with male genitalia. On top of recognizing the clitoris in the first place, Mintz suggests elevating it to acceptable territory by assigning it a few benign nicknames, like Clio and Tori, to which Iâd add Cleopatra, Chloe, and Kitty (as a complement to pussy, of course).
2. Let’s popularize a few phrases for female masturbation, too.
While weâre at it, letâs brainstorm a few fun euphemisms for female masturbation. Among the phrases commonly used to refer to male masturbation: “jerking off,” “whacking off,” “wanking,” “flogging the log,” “petting the python,” “beef stroke-it-off,” etc. The sheer number of popular terms suggests societal approval. But while we have a plethora of familiar expressions to describe cunnilingus (âmuff diving,â âeating beaver,â and âmunching pink taco,â to name a few), the average person would be hard-pressed to list alternatives for the act of female masturbation (except maybe âflicking the beanâ), because the notion of women engaging in solo sex is so taboo. Consider the hoopla surrounding any film’s depiction of a female touching herself, versus the nonchalance with which we view on-screen masturbation when it’s a coming-of-age man doing it. Itâs time to normalize female masturbation through language by agreeing on some commonplace sayings, such as: âpetting the pussy,â âcircle jerking the clit,â and âfinger dancing in labia land.â
3. Let’s all learn the difference between vulvas and vaginas.
This might blow your mind, but youâve probably been using the term âvaginaâ incorrectly your whole life. Donât feel too bad, though, because even Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina Monologues, a play intended to restore pride in female sexuality, gets it flat-out wrong. Technically, the vagina is defined as âthe muscular tube leading from the external genitals to the cervix of the uterus in women and most female mammals.â In addition to the disappearing clitoris act we orchestrate when discussing young womenâs bodies, itâs problematic that we teach girls to think of everything âdown thereâ as their vagina when there’s so much more to their anatomy than that. If this doesnât seem like a big deal, consider for a minute how weird it would be to refer to a manâs testicles as his âpenisâ just because youâd rather not bother differentiating his parts. Letâs call female external genitalia by its actual name: the vulva, which encompasses the mons pubis, labia minor and majora, vaginal opening, perineum, and, of course, the good ol’ clitoris.
4. Let’s stop associating sex with penetration.
Penetrative sex or intercourse emphasizes the role of the penis. Once a man ejaculates, he tends to lose his erection and is thus no longer able to penetrate a womanâs vagina, whether or not sheâs climaxed. Penetration can of course lead to orgasm in both men and women, but it doesnât paint a complete picture of what sex entails. Sex doesnât begin and end with penises, or penetration. Many of us can also experience incredible orgasmic pleasure through oral sex, caressing, and fingering. So letâs all agree to think of âsexâ as sexual activity and not just the intercourse chapter of a long, complicated but gripping book.
5. Let’s trade the term “foreplay” for “coreplay.”
An important offshoot to the reality that sex involves more than penetration is the fact that the behaviors we associate with “foreplay” shouldnât be thought of as merely predecessors to the main event. According to Urban Dictionary, foreplay is defined as âtouching/kissing/licking each other in a stimulating manner in order to become turned on before having actual sex.â But all the rubbing and touching and clitoral attention we often clump into the foreplay category shouldnât be relegated to Act One, or thought of as lesser than penetration. What we call foreplay deserves top billing. Dr. Mintz wisely suggests taking a page from Ian Kerner’s She Comes First, and using the term âcoreplayâ instead.