13 Men Reveal Exactly How They Feel About The Prospect Of Marrying Their Long-term Girlfriends

Chiara Cremaschi
Chiara Cremaschi

1. “My girlfriend’s desperation to walk down the aisle is the giant, blood-sucking squid strangling our relationship right now.”

— Oliver, 29

beetlejuice

2. “It’s just something you’ve gotta do—like showering, or paying the bills. The difference is, you have to seem happy about it. Otherwise, you get in trouble.”

— Tom, 31

beetlejuice

3. “My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum recently, the day after she turned 30. I have two months left to propose and I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do, truthfully. I understand she’s scared that I haven’t asked yet—she doesn’t want to waste her “good years” on me if I won’t commit long-term—but I also don’t love the idea of being strong-armed into marriage.”

— Pedro, 32

beetlejuice

4. “I’m terrified that I’m going to get drunk and pop the question just to get laid one night. That would be dumb.”

— Roger, 27

beetlejuice

5. “I’m young. I’ll marry this one, but I fully expect to upgrade to a newer model ten to twenty years down the line. She’ll be sick of me by then anyway.”

— Bret, 24

beetlejuice

6. “If I hear my girlfriend mention her rapidly decreasing egg count one more time, I’m out. She might think she’s being subtle with the marry-me hints, but she’s not. The whining is totally unbecoming. Give a man some room to breathe and do his thing.”

— Jackson, 36

beetlejuice

7. “I want kids, so I have no choice, right? The bastard thing is only cool if you’re Jon Snow. We might as well do things in the order we’re supposed to.”

— Bo, 28

beetlejuice

8. “I have an ex-wife and I’m not psyched about remarrying. But I love my girlfriend—I really do—so if marriage is what she wants, that’s what she’ll get. Eventually.”

— Mark, 38

beetlejuice

9. “My girlfriend is an amazing woman. We’ve been dating for five years and they’ve been the happiest of my life. Marrying her would be a privilege. A gift. An honor. I plan to ask her right after I’ve saved enough money to propose with the ring of her dreams. Psych! You didn’t buy that, did you? Marriage is for losers. I’m not settling down any time soon.”

— Derek, 25

beetlejuice

10. “My girlfriend and I have been to so many weddings together over the last few years and during other people’s ceremonies, we both get the itch to tie the knot ourselves. But for me it’s really a temporary sensation that evaporates by the time our newlywed friends are on their honeymoon. For my girlfriend, the desire never recedes—it just gets bigger and bigger. I think I’m three weddings away from witnessing a total meltdown, unless of course I sack up and propose.”

— Sam, 27

beetlejuice

11. “Every woman deserves her special day. I get that. But does it really have to cost so much fucking money? I mean, c’mon. If you’re serious about building a future with a guy, why bankrupt him?”

— Larry, 29

beetlejuice

12. “At first my girlfriend said she was set on a destination beach wedding. Then it was a small reception in the next town over. Now she says she just wants to dash over to City Hall. She keeps lowering the bar for me, and I still can’t work up the nerve to pop the question. Does that mean the relationship’s flawed, or I am?”

— Charles, 28

beetlejuice

13. “I don’t believe in marriage, but I don’t believe in being an asshole, either. I’ll get there. I think.”

— Trevor, 35 TC mark

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