Try as I might to be carnally open-minded, I sometimes catch myself referring offhandedly to promiscuous women as “sluts,” or recoiling like an immature little girl when certain sex acts are mentioned, like the ol’ finger in the butt. When it comes to sex, a lot of people feel strongly about what’s acceptable and what’s not. And even the most liberal among us have certain ideas about when, how, why, and with whom it’s okay to get busy. We impose these parameters on ourselves and others, often subconsciously, because they’re ingrained in us early on through societal conditioning.
The thing is, we all lose out as a result of our collective kneejerk stereotyping, which inevitably limits our sexual growth. The path to a better sex life requires awareness of the spectrum of sensual possibilities, and I think we can all agree that lack of bias is a necessary part of any educational process.
Basically, if you want to live a more orgasmic life, you can’t be so damn quick to judge. So instead of allowing yourself to categorize something automatically as unsavory, take a step back, breathe, and let yourself evaluate any given scenario in an honest, unbiased manner. For starters, try appreciating the empowering aspects of these 4 typically frowned upon ways to enjoy sex.
1. Sell your virginity!
When the words “money” and “sex” are thrown into the same sentence, it’s easy to cry foul (or “prostitute”!). But some women, like the svelte, 28-year-old medical student Elizabeth Raine, are choosing to auction off their virginity on their own terms—not because they’re desperate, but because they believe that if society’s going to place so much emphasis on the notion of deflowering, they might as well benefit financially from the hype over their hymen. Can you really blame Raine for wanting to control the circumstances surrounding the loss of her virginity, or for trying to graduate free from the burden of student debt?
2. Become a sugar baby.
Sugar dating—the term coined to describe relationships between sugar babies (young, beautiful women) and sugar daddies (rich older men)—is another increasingly popular phenomenon that challenges conventional ideas about how money should or shouldn’t factor into relationships. We want to scoff at the girl willing to discuss her expectations (for gifts and financial support) in an outright fashion with a man from the beginning of a first date. But eventually, every couple has to address the underlying economic aspects of their union, whether they do so explicitly, or behind the ruffles of etiquette. What’s lost when two people agree to be completely honest with each other from the outset? Wouldn’t we all save ourselves time and heartache if we could skip the typical song and dance of traditional dating rituals and speak directly to each other about our needs? It sounds terribly crass—until you consider how awesomely efficient and smart it is.
3. Pop Plan B with your girlfriends.
Reportedly, women at an unnamed Ivy League college have established a fascinating hookup habit: After engaging in consensual casual sex with various partners on Friday nights, they meet up Saturday mornings for a walk to the local pharmacy, where they purchase Plan B together.
Thanks to birth control, women have gained more and more control over their bodies and their lives overall in the last half century or so. Still, many think of condoms, diaphragms, and oral contraceptives as shameful, or unworthy of discussion. By turning a stigmatized activity into an organized, sisterly bonding tradition, these young adults have taken reproductive freedom to a glorious new level.
4. Give more blowjobs.
Two of our favorite euphemisms (“giving head” and “blowjob”) suggest that performing oral sex on a man requires excessive generosity, or willingness to do hard labor. But giving great head doesn’t have to be a sacrifice—on the part of your mouth muscles, throat, or saliva glands. Joanna Van Vleck, the president of One Taste, a California based company that encourages daily “orgasmic meditation,” wants women to view oral sex in a controversial new light by teaching them how to get themselves off in the process.
Vleck claims that, with practice, anyone can learn to think of the mouth as “an extension” of the pussy. By making yourself completely vulnerable, you can allegedly “devour him” for yourself. On the surface, the idea might sound challenging, demeaning, or off-putting. But why not give great head as often as you can while pursuing your own pleasure? Isn’t any mutually beneficial sex act reciprocally empowering?