1. As a kid, more than a few adults remarked that you’d make a great lawyer, but it only occurred to you later in life that they might not have been trying to flatter you.
2. Now you understand that when people call you out for being stubborn, they almost always mean it as an insult, but you almost always decide to take it as a compliment.
3. Others call you pigheaded, contrarian, uncompromising, obstinate, or headstrong.
4. You choose to describe yourself as willful, determined, resolute, or purposeful.
5. You’ve mastered the art of Googling something on the sly when someone says something you suspect to be untrue so you can debunk their point by citing the relevant evidence without mentioning that you just had to double-check your hunch. Does it even matter, as long as you’re right?
6. You’re a big fan of the words “definitely,” “absolutely,” “obviously,” “undoubtedly,” and “clearly.”
7. You also lean on the phrases “without a doubt,” “of course,” and “one-hundred percent.”
8. You’ve realized over the years that tone of voice, in addition to word choice, is critical in communicating an opinion effectively. If you speak with unwavering authority, even when you’re only half-certain of something, most people won’t bother to question you.
9. In fact, if you speak authoritatively enough, you don’t even have to make any sense at all to be impactful. Politicians seem to understand this.
10. You often introduce your position with “They say…” (although, if asked, you secretly wouldn’t be able to say who “they” are), or “I read that…” (although in many cases you wouldn’t be able to cite your source).
11. You’ve won many a heated debate by making some totally bogus statements.
12. When you notice others leaning on the speak-with-certainty-even-when-I-have-no-fucking-clue-what-I’m-talking-about approach, either on TV or in real life, you can’t help but smile.
13. You’ve sworn with one thousand percent certainty that you didn’t do something like leave the keys on the console table at home.
14. When it turns out that you did do the thing you’ve sworn you didn’t do, no one is more disturbed than you are that your memory’s proven fallible.
15. When you shy away from participating in a conversation surrounding a topic you’re not extremely well versed in, it’s because you’re too tired to feign certainty and you’d rather not talk at all than gab half-heartedly.
16. You don’t understand people who seem to change their minds constantly. Indecision and inconsistency drive you crazy.
17. When you change your mind, you take a page from the Obama manual and explain that your opinion on the matter has “evolved.”
18. People often accuse you of “hammering it to death,” but you wouldn’t have to if they would just admit they were wrong.
19. You’ve been walked out on by more than a few people who became so fed up with you for refusing to let something go that they could no longer stand the sight of your face.
20. You really wish people wouldn’t walk away when you have more to say. But you can always send a follow-up email the next day.
21. You pride yourself on your ability to wiggle your way from point A to point B, even if doing so requires a good deal of mental gymnastics and backtracking.
22. Winning an argument is always satisfying, even if you had to stretch a few points to get there.
23. It counts as a win when the other person gives in, even if they’re just worn down and you haven’t convinced them of anything.
24. You’ve been known to send emails the day after a group dinner to further substantiate whatever claims you made the night before.
25. You’ve at least considered a career as a legal professional.
26. Whether or not you pursued a legal career, you love any movie or TV show centered on courtroom drama.
27. It takes a serious amount of effort to shelve your ego in admitting to anyone other than yourself that you were wrong about something. You only do this when you absolutely must.
28. People think you’re difficult, but all you want is to be thorough.
29. It’s not that you don’t want to cooperate, but that you would like things to be done
your the right way.
30. After all, you’re almost always right.