Ideally, we would all orgasm simultaneously every time we have sex. There’s something incredibly intimate about sharing an orgasmic experience with another human. In reality, however, women tend to reach climax before their partner does. So soon after the sensual bliss fades, a woman comes to, only to realize that her vagina is still housing a temporary penile visitor. Below is a sample collection of the thoughts a woman has post orgasm when all she wants is to make the guy come so she can get on with her day.
1. Damn that felt good. Did I vocalize my satisfaction sufficiently? I hope so. Every man needs sex to be a bit of an ego boost. Don’t want to leave him feeling insecure or anything.
2. Wow, I’m wet. But am I too, wet? I’d hate for the moisture to slow things down.
3. Jesus, he’s really pounding me. It’s funny how arousing it is for a guy to get a gal off. He must be right on the cusp after…what do guys call it? Giving it to me! That’s it.
4. Hmmmm. Still nothing. Interesting.
5. Maybe if I clench my pussy it’ll offset the wetness.
6. Clench. Release. Clench. Release. Clench. Release. Might as well get my daily kegels done.
7. He can definitely feel me doing it. Cool.
8. Ugh. This is getting old now. I wonder if he’ll notice if I peek at the clock. If he catches me it’ll insult him, which would be totally unsexy and counterproductive.
9. Fuck it. I have to at least try. It’s 6:23AM. Jeez! We’re about 23 minutes into this show. Time to get things going. What to do, what to do…
10. Does the smoke detector always blink red and green? It better not be broken. That would be annoying. I’ll just look away for now.
11. Fuck. There is so much dust on those frames! I really wish I had a pen and paper so I could jot down a few to-do’s.
12. Oh no, he’s slowing down. Why is he slowing down? He better not be trying to hold out so he can give me a second orgasm or something. How many times do I have to explain to a dude that weekday morning sex isn’t the right time for multiples…
13. Okay, 6:27am. If I don’t get things going we’ll both be late for work. Time to focus…
14. I know! Time for a little mid-sex ball massage…
15. Yessss, he likes it. Seems to be working, but not quite well enough. Maybe if I groan a little more convincingly…
16. Christ, it’s 6:33am. This is a position switch kind of situation. Doggy style plus reach-around ball grab rarely disappoints.
17. Perfect. He can’t see my face. Now I can say whatever I want without worrying about looking sincere. Perpetual arousal is tough to fake.
18. “Fuck me like that! Harder! Yes!”
20. I wonder how long he plans to linger in there. If I don’t get to a toilet stat I’m going to leak all over the sheets. I do not feel like doing laundry today.
21. Does he realize it’s been, like, 30 seconds since he came?
22. We’re verging on guaranteed urinary tract infection territory here…
23. And he’s out! Phew! We have a winner! Thank you, Jim. Or is it Chris?