1) Days Off
When you’re a kid: You have the entire summer to yourself. You wake up when you want, play outside all day, ride your bike around the neighborhood, you name it. The best part? You get to wake up the next day and do it all over again.
When you’re an adult: Days off? LOL. Maybe you’ll be able to take one or two of those vacation days you’ve accumulated without falling too far behind? Probably not, seeing as Karen from HR has no idea what she’s doing, and you’ll just spend your entire time off attached to your work email.
When you’re a kid: Your family went ahead and planned a vacation to the Bahamas. Guess what? YOU DON’T HAVE TO PAY A FREAKING DIME. Oh yea, sandcastles and a virgin-strawberry daiquiri is all you’re worried about.
When you’re an adult: A few of your friends start a group chat and want to plan a trip to Miami for the weekend. The thought of ticket prices makes you quiver, for now you’ll have to choose between being able to eat for the next week, or slurping tequila out of somebodies belly button for 3 days. (That is, if Karen from HR can get her shit together.)
3) Noise Level
When you’re a kid: You can pretty much be as loud and obnoxious as you darn well please while playing outside with your friends. Who is going to yell at a bunch of kids for laughing and making memories? Play kickball in the street, cheer loudly when somebody makes a goal, and scream to warn others when a car is coming.
When you’re an adult: Your music is too loud. You’re all laughing too loud. Your friend Jeremy who drank too much is now too loud. Everything is too loud.
4) Ice Cream
When you’re a kid: Give us all the ice cream in the world! Mr. Softy chiming his sweet bell of dairy heaven down your block? Go right ahead and shove a double-vanilla cone with extra sprinkles down your throat. Because why the hell not, right?
When you’re an adult: Your metabolism just isn’t what it used to be. With every lick comes another handful of calories, and it will take you 3 days at the gym to burn off that small cone. It just isn’t worth it.
When you’re a kid: During the summer, chances are your friends practically lived at your house, or you lived at theirs. Restless nights, very important 3rd Grade drama to gossip about, and your parents banging on the wall to go to sleep. This was all just so much fun.
When you’re an adult: The only sleepovers you’re having these days is when one of your friends is too drunk to drive home, or you made a bad decision with Carl from apartment 3A. Other than that, get out of my bed and let me binge watch Orange Is The New Black ALONE, okay?
When you’re a kid: Sand. YOU LIVE FOR SAND! Sandcastles, burying your brother, digging sand-holes to touch China. You are sands biggest freakin’ fan.
When you’re an adult: Sand. FUCKING SAND. You can’t stand sand. Sand is everywhere. It’s in your shoes, it’s in your hair, it’s in your soul. Walk in the sand while wearing your sandals just once, and you’ll still be finding speckles of that shit on Christmas in 2019.
When you’re a kid: Camp was the thing to do. Day camp, sleep-away camp, all forms of camp were welcomed by the 9 year old you. A place to just go, with days filled with crafts, swimming, innocently flirting with your cute counselor, camp was one of the best parts of summer.
When you’re an adult: The only place your ass is going during the day is work. Days filled with excel sheets, waiting on tables, working on patients.. whatever. No matter the job, work just doesn’t win when in comparison to camp.
When you’re a kid: If your childhood was anything like mine, you’re mom probably screamed your name from the window when it was time to come inside, and then once more to your face when she had to come drag your ass home. There is nothing I dreaded more during the summer than hearing the name “MELISSA” being called from down the block.
When you’re an adult: Curfew? What curfew? LOLZ. “I’ll take another shot of Jameson, sir.”