1. Shit Happens.
No, really. Sometimes stuff just happens and we have no control over it. So what that your bestie had to cancel on your dinner plans because she was still wiped from going out the night before. She doesn’t hate you, and she’s not trading you like a pokemon card. Maybe she’s just genuinely tired? Maybe she’s stressed from work? Instead of dwelling on it, offer to bring the party to her. Besides – takeout and shirtless Ryan Gosling movies makes for the best kind of bestie night, anyway.
2. Seamless and Saturday nights do not mix.
That personal pizza pie topped with chicken and the beautiful laughter of a child sounds like a great idea at 4 A.M doesn’t it? You log into Seamless, wait patiently for your order to arrive (i.e you pace your apartment and/or pass out from your drunken hot mess-ness of a human being), then viciously rip through your food like you just arrived from living at sea for 6 years. What happens next? You pass out (again?) in your bed, still with the pizza box on your lap, and wake up Sunday morning filled with regret. And there isn’t a Plan B pill for food regrets, folks. Its just not a good idea. Plus, then you feel obligated to eat super healthy for next few days that follow, and that just sucks.
3. Men are a lot easier to read than you think.
If the only time he texts you is at 2 A.M to see “what u up to”, you’re the booty call. He met you on Tinder, hung out a few times, and yet your still not quite worthy enough to hang out with during normal hangout hours. If he shows a bit more interest in anything outside of your lady parts, he’s a potential, and you should stop answering the 2 A.M guy. He’s a douche.
4. Paying your bills is a lot more satisfying than going out every night.
Groundbreaking, right? Who would of thought that having a roof over your head, food to eat, and eventually paying off those pesky student loans would actually get you further than ‘turning down for what’ every night? Going out 5 nights in a row is all fun and games until your check your bank statement Sunday morning and realize you’re eating air for the next week.
5. But don’t forget to still have fun.
You’re in your 20s. Its your time to make mistakes and wake up in random peoples apartments. Take numbers, give out numbers, pretend your name is Jen when its really Stacy. Hey, whatevs. Just make sure that after you do this, you still have enough cash left in your pocket to, you know, pay your rent.
6. Ice Cream solves most problems.
And if it doesn’t, pizza is only a phone call away. (As long as its not 6AM. See #2.)
7. As much as it can suck, exercise is actually a great instant-ego booster.
It really doesn’t have to suck, though. We have it in our minds that its a chore, and like really, who wants to sweat? But – there is no better feeling than finishing up a rep of crunches and squats and looking at yourself in the mirror like the bad@ss b!tch that you are. Who cares if Johnny hasn’t texted you back? Now you have abs.
8. You need insurance.
On everything. Period. Because you just never know when your insides are going to start fucking shit up. (This goes for men, too!)
9. You are worthy.
You are worthy to love, be loved, and do all that awesome sh!t it is that you want to experience in your life. Nobody, especially a man, should ever put up a wall of doubt in any aspect of your life.
10 Don’t ever check your social media accounts if:
You’re drunk, you’re sad, you’re drunk and sad. Or anytime after 10pm, really.