We Let Go Of Our Love, But I Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way

haylee -
haylee –

You were always there. When I was blindsided, upset, and hurt. When my immature self couldn’t handle the truth, but you were always in the corner. Granted, I never noticed you until that day, yet another boy attempted to scar my heart, you’ve given me my confidence again to be hopeful. You wiped my tears away with your kind words. With comedy and pose, you had it all in my eye after that. Although I never thought you would be interested in me in anyway, we had our encounters and I knew from then on, we had cosmic chemistry. It was undeniable that we have fun and make each other vulnerable, but to actually feel that kind of connection when I least expected it. That was the best surprise that made me feel alive again.

For that, you hold a special part in my body, in spirit, but honey, not my heart.

We could have been great together, even as friends, but time was a thief and he robbed me of the time we needed to be with each other. Us together made me feel so unbelievably naked and free and knowing this was our short-lived time compelled me to want to wait.

Trust me baby, hands down you were worth the wait to me.

I have always believed that I would lose my virginity to a first boyfriend. Going through high school, I have never was the kind of girl to be in a rush to lose something that I felt was a part of me. Although my virginity is pure and special, it isn’t something I just toss to anyone. Therefore, that was the old me and now losing it in college, late in the game I might add, I have no regrets because I met you. No one has ever put my walls down like you did and was so ever patient with me. Thank you for being my first and everything in between.

You’ve given me the opportunity to see what it could be like to be in a real relationship, even if it’s just a glimpse. A glimpse that turns into a portal that only opens when we’re together, would be a fantasy and sweetie, that’s a dream I have every night.

The way you challenged me to think and be true to myself. I didn’t have to lie or pretend to be into something you were. I didn’t need to agree with you because I didn’t, I don’t with most of the things you say. Although you intimidated me, I felt so safe with you. Call me lovesick and naïve, but I would do anything to have you feel what I’m feeling, to have you with me forever.

Every time we were together, it made my heart smile knowing you wanted to be with me too. Every touch made my sensitive skin react to you. The way you handled me with care like I would break. Indeed, I felt like I would fall crumbling down to the floor thinking about all the ways you knew how to touch me.

I want to sit here and check off a list full of cons, honey you do have some, but all of you are positives because I embraced your flaws, your refinement, and your beautiful mind with no hesitation. Cheers to you baby, you are my one of a kind. Your charisma, intelligence, witticism, and striking facial hair made me weak in the knees.

Most importantly, you gave me one of the biggest lessons that I could receive thus far, I deserve a man that is willing to give me a chance. I want to fail, because if I do not fall, how will I learn and succeed. In relationships, nothing is perfect. It is trial and error and all I wanted was to feel something real. Hurt, bliss, disappointment, anger, love, and much more that we could’ve felt about each other, together… This lets us understand what we want and what we need to make ourselves full.

But you can’t commit, and that’s okay.

We’re young and have more people meet. I came to the realization that we are just each other’s pit stop. “I feel like we could have been something more.” Those words I so wanted to hear validated everything I was feeling and everything you were feeling. That moment was my closure and my own personal feeling of happiness. I am so grateful you came into my life and I know we can remain friends.

Even if we won’t ever see each again, God put you in my life for a brief moment for optimism. Each moment we spent together made my whole world spin in circles, capturing each star. So now when I think of you, all I have to do is look up at the sky, and remember your warm embrace, your scent that melts my heart into a pool of intense love. And say goodbye. TC mark

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