We Will Never Be

Flickr / Luca Boldrini
Flickr / Luca Boldrini

That I love you, and in an instant, I knew, you can never love me too. A million eternities may pass, but I only do know about one thing, and that is I love you, and I’ll love you for the rest of your days. You can’t fill those gaps. You won’t. You never will. Love is not a contract where the obligation to love is reciprocally demandable. It is never demandable. It is never bilateral. I can love you without you giving it back. I’ll do. I still do. I will forever do. And if I have to walk the earth a thousand folds just to prove to you that I do, I’ll do. I still do. I will forever do. Every inch of you brightens up my day while I’m in pitch black. It’s a sunny day, undeniably sunny, but it’ll forever be gloomy without a sight of your face. My love is firm. My love is rigid. I never sought us to be together. Forever. It’s just a beautiful sight, seeing you there, enjoying the crisp of your cold beer, like how you enjoy those cold feelings for me. And I certainly guarantee that my beer is warm, like how I feel for you.

Yes, I love you. And even though how much you say that I’m free to go, I’m never free to go. Because my heart is stuck deep in the abyss, caught in the dark, captured in eternal misery of not being with you. And love is a commodity I never had. I will never have. In a thousand lightning strikes, in a million volts, in a billion bulbs that my love can light. Most people sleep with happy thoughts. I sleep, thinking that we could have those happy memories, if we were meant to be. We’re not. We will never be. You’re every detail and outline of the girl I want to be with for the rest of your life. But in a million lifetimes, in a million deaths, we will never be. I got too fed up with my goals in life, and I forgot that I was human. I also get hurt. I shattered in pieces of crap without even noticing it. Yes. It’s not your fault. It never was. It will never be.

Precisely, I love you, and I would like to go to an adventure with you to wherever we may unfold. But maybe, in life, the only adventure we will have is avoiding each other. Avoiding the love we might share. Avoiding the pain we might inflict. If you are lying in a river with a million souls, I’ll jump after you and we’ll drift together to the edge of uncertainty. But the only thing I certainly know is that you can’t love me. And I know in fact that the world is changing. Yes it is. But my love for you is not. In fact, it grows. My love for you is a behemoth. A mystical paradise. An ecstasy. And crap, it’ll never fade.

I love you, and I have been forever valiant, knowing that you can’t love me too. Basically, love is convoluted yet blissful. Dense yet magical. Perspiring yet inspiring. Love. A four-lettered word, consisting of the person we see through the glimmering mirror. Powerful yet weak. Inevitable yet unpredictable. I didn’t lose everything. You are not my everything. But you are the material omission in my statements, and my life could change without you.

We stared in this long pause. You didn’t say a thing. But I heard it. I heard your heart shouting. Yes I know! “I was not in love with you. I never was. I never will be.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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