An Unofficial “Man”-ual For Women Everywhere


Before I continue with the content of this article, let me address a few avid responders to my last article:

1. Yes, I know the original article I responded to was a “satire”—that was hard for me to say, because it wasn’t. It was tasteless and extremely inappropriate, but it worked as far as trolling for readership and it got me involved, so hey. I fell into the trap. I confess. But, it got me on here to write my own thoughts, so it wasn’t all for naught.

2. Dear. God. To any white female that was offended by my brief observation (and yes, I won’t stand down from that, it is an observation regardless of how you feel about it…), I’m sorry it offended you… but I’m not really, because it shouldn’t be viewed as offensive more than it should be viewed for just what it is. You can allow for people (trolls or not) to make fun of quite literally anyone else, but you can’t take a few hits of your own?

3. Telling me I have anger problems and I need to just “leave it alone” because “no one cares” is the exact reason I will continue to write. Not because I’m “angry,” but because I do have passion behind what I write. No, I will not leave it alone and you’re wrong, Icare. The fact that racism exists still SHOULD be a topic that’s addressed. Not ignored.

And that’s regardless of the fact that the original article was a “satire.” Racism isn’t funny. Period.

One last thing.

I’m pretty sure I’ll have even more comments addressing the fact that I’ve done exactly what this other girl/guy/whoever the hell did by “bashing” white girls.

Mmm… not exactly. But let me correct myself here. Maybe I was wrong to narrow down on just white girls. I should’ve stated that those three points I made in my last article, are not just addressed to them. It’s addressed to women everywhere, of every color. Many (I said many, not all. Let’s not throw a fit over this) women constantly validate themselves through other women or through the men they date. Stop it. Whether you’re white, Asian, black, Latina, a basilisk with a bum foot, whatever… my only point to get across was that women sometimes have their priorities misplaced.

Sorry that you took the highlight on that one, white girls, but can you blame me for taking quite literally only two paragraphs out of my entire article to maybe put some heat on you? Did I generalize you or did I clearly state that from what I’ve witnessed, what I wrote is what I concluded? It’s cool, though. Take from it what you want, that’s the magic/tragic of online blogging, right?

ANYWAY, moving on to the next order of business, I’d like to delve a little deeper into regarding some comments from our male comrades…

It’s come to my attention that somewhere along the lines of female empowerment/women’s rights movements, women have gained a lot more entitlement over the years. This is great and I love strong, independent women who have made a stand to make bold decisions, but let’s find a healthy balance here.

Some women… And let me repeat… s o m e w o m e n… I’ve noticed abuse this privilege.

I get that for a long time and even now, men have objectified women, but ladies, it’s not doing anyone any good for you to do the same back to them.

I’m not an anti-feminist, I’m not a feminist and I’m not trying to promote things one way or another, but I like to view things evenly.

I’ve heard it enough times from females around me, whether they’re colleagues, friends, acquaintances… that have quite literally a laundry list of things men need to adhere to otherwise, they’re cast out or “unacceptable.”

(And again, I know guys do this too, but that’s not my subject of discussion today, it’s us. If you want me to write an extensive list of how men can step up their game, let me know in the comments, and I’ll gladly do so.)

Listen. Men aren’t trained animals. They’re simple, sure. But they’re not meant to dote on your every need, want and desire.

I keep hearing women say things like, “you need to train him right” or “he’s in the doghouse today.” Really, ladies? Don’t abuse your feminine powers. I know everyone wants to channel their inner Katy Perry right now, but if you want to be genuinely loved and respected, you need to display the same characteristics. Putting men in the “doghouse” for trivial reasons isn’t a good way to start.

Men want freedom. They want to feel needed, loved and relevant in your lives. We as women want affection, we want validation from time to time and we want to be desired. We can work synergistically, but we both have to have equal input.

I think the issue is that a lot of us refuse to put forth the effort initially because we’re afraid that it won’t be reciprocated. Well, it sucks, but you won’t get out of that rut until you take that leap of faith. Sure, you should hold out for the right person and be careful of who you invest your time in, but don’t put that person through leaps and bounds without exposing some of your vulnerability too.

And stop using your lady parts as leverage. It’s obnoxious. If he doesn’t get it from you, he’ll get it somewhere else. Yours isn’t special. Like cars, a vagina comes stock in every make and model. The color might be different, the upholstery can vary, but they all have an engine. At the end of the day, as long as it’s reliable, runs consistently and doesn’t give unnecessary and expensive bullshit, he’s happy. (Please, please, PLEASE don’t jump down my throat because I compared women to cars, it’s meant as a loose analogy, I’m not trying to objectify us—but you get my point, right?) The point is, what makes you special is how you treat him, not how pretty your labia is.

I think another issue to touch on (giggity) is also the archetypes females have started to put on men of different color. Clearly, from recent articles, there’s a lot of attention that goes into white males being the superior choice. I still don’t really understand how that came about and why they take the top seat, but let’s explore that…

For starters, the majority of men you’ll run into here in the states are most likely white, so from a census standpoint, I guess odds are every female will run into one that’s available and decent looking. That’s another reason I found it humorous in the previous articles, because there now seems to be a “shortage” of white men since they’re dating women of different ethnicities. I’m not really sure how the math breaks down on that, but I guess I’ll take the words from our infamous internet troll, because hey, if it’s on the internet, it’s truth right?

But also to bring up something that was addressed in that terrible… terrible “piece” of writing, she/he/whatever it was mentioned that Asian men in particular were not attractive or appealing.

I’ve also noticed a lot of attention around that same view… (Anyone remember that weird, random outrage that flooded Facebook a few months back about Lorde’s “ugly” Asian boyfriend?)

That has to stop. Get to know your resident Asian guys before lumping them all into an “un-dateable” category. Every. Race. Has ugly people. No one is exempt from the uggo stick. Some people may have gotten slapped a few more times before hitting the earth’s surface. Tough break, but this attack on Asian men in particular isn’t fair. You’ve seen ugly in every race, so spread the hate evenly, at least.
Me personally, I’ve never had any sort of racial preference. If you saw my dating history, you’d be confused as hell, because not one dude in my colorful repertoire of boyfriends-past has any similarity to the next. I think the only thing that’s consistent is having a similar sense of humor. That, I’m a sucker for.

I’ve dated Asian men, White men, Black men, Hispanic men… and probably more colors in between. With that, I can tell you this: whatever “science” is behind their, erm… anatomy isn’t always so concrete. Yes, some Asian men are on the smaller side, but Black men don’t always live up to their hype, White guys can get stage fright, and not all Hispanic dudes are the “Rico Suave” they claim to be.

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t Asian dudes who are definitely adequate (and nimble, mind you), there are Black guys who really will make you never want to “go back” (like, seriously. Ouch.), there are definitely White guys that CAN jump, and very… very exotic Latino men that can charm the pants right off of you.

There’s positives and negatives to all sides of the rainbow, kids.

Ladies, I don’t know when it became okay to be as mean as we tend to be now, but as another female who—admittedly struggles with this herself— I think we need to dial back all of our own “Sasha Fierce” personalities. Men are just as sensitive as us, regardless of race, and they might not be the first ones to admit it, but it doesn’t make the fact irrelevant.

So, take a chance on whoever you want to take a chance on and don’t let stereotypes, “science” or salary get in the way of finding someone you might truly connect with. You’re missing out on life and the endless possibilities. Just… keep it classy and stay safe. VD isn’t a good look on anyone, so be smart.

Thanks for reading, folks. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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