30 Thoughts I’ve Had While In A Traffic Jam In Atlanta

So, being originally from New York, I always thought the subways were as bad as it gets… but when I moved down to Atlanta post-college, I can say hands down that being stuck in traffic during peak hours in downtown Atlanta will make any sane person want to claw their eyes out.

These are just some of the thoughts running through my mind whenever I’m gridlocked on my way home from work…
Shutterstock
Shutterstock

1. “Why… why… WHY?!?!!”

2. “I should’ve left earlier… I knew 5:30AM was too late.”

3. “If this semi thinks he’s cutting in front of me, he’s got another thing coming…”

4. “MOVE, MINIVAN. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT IF YOU’VE GOT A BABY ON BOARD.”

5. “Is there an ‘avoid Spaghetti Junction at all costs’ feature on my GPS…?”

6. “omgomgomg… please hurry… the homeless guy’s almost at my window…”

7. “I wonder if I can use my dog to get into the HOV lane…”

8. “So you wanna play with magicccc… Boy, you should know what you’re falling forrrr…. Dammit, it’s stuck in my head now…”

9. “God, I knew I shouldn’t have gotten Sweet Tea… now I have to pee!!”

10. “Leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp…”

11. “It’s been 2 ½ miles… does this guy know he still has his blinker on…?”

12. “HEY. LADY IN THE HONDA. USE YOUR TURNING SIGNAL, DAMMIT. I’M DRIVING HERE.”

13. “That’s my exit! I’m merging… I’m merg – HELLO??!! I’M MERGING!!! GET OUT OF MY WAY.”

14. “WHY. ARE THERE SO. MANY. PEACHTREES??! YOU’RE CONFUSING ME.”

15. “Sweet! I left at 4:30PM today… so I should be home by 7PM. Score!”

16. “Look at this motorcyclist who thinks he can just drive past all of u—oh, no he didn’t. HEY. GET BACK HERE. TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!”

17. “The speed limit is 65. 65 PEOPLE!!! THAT MEANS YOU CAN GO 70. COME ON!!!!”

18. “Passing. Lane. It is called a PASSING lane!!! PASS THE CAR ON YOUR RIGHT ALREADY OR MOVE. I HATE YOU.”

19. “I wish I had a brush guard… do they make those for coupes?”

20. “GOOOOOOOOO. GOOOOOOOOOOOOO. GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

21. “killmekillmekillmenow… Ihatemylife…”

22. “I will brake for precisely 19 seconds. No longer. If you haven’t successfully merged into my lane by then, you’re getting cut the f*ck off. YOLO, bitch. Your move.”

23. “Is the girl in the Aveo really taking a selfie right now? Are you f*cking kidding me?”

24. “GET OFF YOUR PHONE, ASSHOLE. THERE’S LIKE, 4 CAR LENGTHS IN FRONT OF YOU. I WILL FIND WHERE YOU LIVE AND SHOVE YOUR PHONE DOWN YOUR THROAT WHILE YOU SLEEP. I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!”

25. “Lane closed for what?! Why do they never say why the lane is closed?? Is there construction going on?? Where are the cones?? WHAT ARE YOU NOT TELLING US, GEORGIA?!”

26. “I should’ve taken the MARTA…”

27. “F*ck the MARTA. I love my car. I just hate everyone on the road. YOU HEAR ME?! I HATE ALL OF YOU.”

28. “Stop revving your engine at me, Nissan. I don’t want to race. AND WE HAVE NOWHERE TO GO, MORON.”

29. “Dear random guy sitting shotgun in the truck next to me adamantly waving at me and whistling… What’s the game plan here? Am I supposed to football toss a balled up napkin with my phone number written on it to you? Are we gonna fall in love while stuck on I-285 together?”

30. “It’s been like, 45 minutes already… How far have I even gotten?? … 3 miles?! F.M.L.” TC mark

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