Sometimes we have to make a few big mistakes in order to correct them and learn from them. Unlearning traumatic behaviors and coping mechanisms can be hard some days and easy on other days. In a way, it’s like peeling back a layer of an onion, and sometimes you hurt the people close to you without ever meaning to.
Fear, trust issues, self-destruction, the need for control, and hurting those who love you are among the few problems that can happen when you’re unpacking trauma from your childhood. Believe me when I say it’s not because people like us want to not help themselves, but sometimes it’s hard. Very hard.
However, we must realize that we cannot only unlearn for a friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, or a family member. It has to be for ourselves. I was told that we cannot accept love properly from others if we cannot accept it from ourselves first. I didn’t realize at the time what that meant, but then I understood. How we treat ourselves in times of hardship or need, even in everyday life, reflects how we treat those closest to us.
If you are struggling, please remember to be kind to yourself when you are unlearning these patterns of behaviors and coping mechanisms. I know that on some days we wish it was easier and quick, but as the saying goes, “All good things take time.” I am a firm believer in that. Especially during this difficult period that the whole world is struggling with, please remember that it’s okay. It’s okay to have a bad day, or a few, but remember, you will see the sun shine.
Please hang in there and remember that if you feel like you don’t have anyone in your corner, I’ll be there rooting you on. You can and will overcome these struggles and unlearn your trauma. You’re doing a brave thing, unlearning behaviors so generations after you won’t have to suffer. It may not be easy, but who said everything in life is supposed to come easily?
For everyone struggling out there right now, just remember to have faith. I know you can do this. Be well and stay safe.