The Real Talk Reason Why You Need To Get The F*ck Over Your Ex

iStockPhoto.com / Todor Tsvetkov
iStockPhoto.com / Todor Tsvetkov

Still stuck on your ex? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. In fact, from what I know, half of LA is with you.

It’s funny how we meet people, whether they are friends, potential partners, or coworkers, who are still hung up on their ex whatever. They seem to be all around us. When I brought this up to my good friend, it raised the question: “Where are all the exes who are still caught up on ME?”

Kidding. (kind of)

But why does it seem people are experiencing this more than ever? Why have we become the generation that can’t let go? People, wake up, LET THE FUCK GO. I mean it with love, but in all seriousness, before you read this, ask yourself this: Why are you still stuck on he/she/them? Do you remember all the lovely times you had together? Do you miss the way they smell? The small things they did for you? Can’t listen to that one song because it reminds you of them?

Uh, why? Why did you break up if things were so splendid? Do you ever sit down and remember the bad times? The reason things got sour? How many other people wear that same scent?

There’s a few situations to take into consideration. I’ll try my best to provide answers for each.

They cheated on you.

You are heartbroken. Things were perfect. They were always there for you. You’ve been together for x amount of days/months/years, and it seems so out of the blue. Maybe it was a quick slip up. Maybe they were drunk. Maybe they weren’t completely sure of what they were doing.

Bullshit. Why with age, have we decided to be more forgiving with those who betray us? Especially those we love? They cheated on you because they wanted to. They cheated on you because there is a piece of them, that wants something else. I don’t believe the whole “I was drunk, and made a mistake”. Were you drunk, or blacked out? Because when I am drunk I don’t lose my mind. Do you? So what if you’ve been together for years, why do you want to be with someone who betrayed you that way? Think about it, you are broken up and hung up on someone who crumpled your relationship and threw it in the garbage. Why waste energy on them, when they sure as hell aren’t on you? On top of that, it’s never the same. No matter how much you want it to be. No matter how sorry they are. Something is different.

You drifted apart, and you just can’t handle it.

After all these years of knowing each other, how could you drift apart when you said you’d always stay together?

Because we are all human beings, that’s why. You grow up, you find new hobbies, new beliefs, new everything. With age, most things change. Think way back, do you want your next something or other to match what you wanted in middle school? Absolutely not. Now, I know this is a stretch to compare, but think about it. Things change with experience. You become more open minded, or more close minded. Your political views change. Your wardrobe changes. Your likes and dislikes change. The person you are with will experience this too, and sometimes it doesn’t always align. Sure it’s lovely when it does, but two people who love each other should grow together, not apart. You will only hold each other back. Are you sure you want to take a few steps backwards in life by clinging to something you both know won’t work? Find someone who loves your views and hobbies as much as you do.

They moved away and distance just won’t work.

Your schedules don’t match up, it felt almost impossible to get some quality time together via Facetime and iMessage. (if you have a droid, get with the times!)

This one is tough. Sometimes we are not in control of where our paths take us. Sometimes the person we wanted to grow old with, has obligations elsewhere, away from you. You both come to the decision that it just isn’t working this far away. You need someone to come home to. You want someone to be there when you have a bad day. It doesn’t always end on bad terms in this situation, but you should find comfort in the idea that everything happens for a reason. I know, everyone hates when that phrase comes out, but usually what’s meant to be, will be.

I’m sure there are a million other scenarios, as we all have our reasons, but most can be boiled down to the same questions and answers:

Why do you want things to work so badly with someone who doesn’t want them to work with you?

Why do you want to cling to something that naturally fizzled out?

Why do you want to fight for something, that doesn’t want to fight for you?

It’s okay to be sad about breakups, obviously. We all do it. After my breakups I end up with all kinds of hobbies to keep me busy. Hiking, guitar (hey I tried), video games, lots of sleep, etc. Let yourself mourn for a set period of time. But come on, after a few months you have to ask yourself what the hell you are doing. You know that old, overused saying: You get what you give? Well, it’s true. When you put nothing out, you get nothing back. When you sulk over your ex, guess what happens? Nothing.

It’s time to move on. The amount of opportunities you pass up by focusing on the past is infinite. It’s okay to be single, in fact, it’s the best time to find yourself. Let go of the things you can’t control. You can’t convince someone to be with you. You shouldn’t feel as if you are competing for attention. You shouldn’t be putting in 80 while they put in 20. You shouldn’t be trying to find solutions to the problems they created. Pick yourself up. Make yourself whole again. Figure out who you are without them, and when the time is right, the right one will walk in when you least expect it. TC mark

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