They weren’t lying when they said that one is the loneliest of them all. Why? Because there is no deeper pain than loneliness. When you look at all of the root causes of emotional pain, you will find loneliness at its core. Us humans are searching for love, we want to feel wanted. For most of us, our life’s purpose is to love and be loved. So when we catch ourselves in that deep pain of loneliness, it can really tear a person up.
There are so many different forms of loneliness. That is another reason why the pain can cut so deep. It creeps up on you in all different forms and eats at you until you eventually hit a bottom. That’s if, nothing is done about it. It’s an uncomfortable feeling that leaves us with a deep longing hole. We won’t ever feel completely whole until there is something to make it feel better.
There is the loneliness from neglect. When we are children and our loved ones neglect our emotional, physical or spiritual needs – we can suffer the consequences for the rest of our lives. We will always feel that neglect because it is what we were raised on. We will go on living our lives thinking that is how people are supposed to treat us. We’ll fall in love with someone who will eventually neglect us, emotionally or physically. We think we are supposed to feel this deep loneliness, that it is apart of our story. Except, loneliness can only get worse if it is not treated. Sure you can numb it out, but in the end, you are still lonely. You are still longing for something out there to fulfill you.
How about the loneliness that stems from missing a loved one? This could be your parent, your grandparent, best friend, spouse etc. How in the hell are you supposed to cure the loneliness of a person who can no longer ever be there physically for you? Sure the memories can sometimes be enough to get you by. But this too is a loneliness that can creep up on you. Grief and loneliness are deep. The pain felt from grief is always made worse by its good friend-loneliness. The two will sit there and wait until you aren’t prepared. Prying at you, scratching away at your core. Just to lunge at you and remind you, that loneliness is there.
The last type of loneliness that can be so profound – is the loneliness is felt even when you are surrounded by others. Sometimes you isolate so much within yourself that you don’t even realize the loneliness that is caused to yourself. You feel there is no way to connect with others so much as you are stuck inside your own head. The loneliness will take a hold of you. The pain cutting deeper and deeper until you think that being lonely is the only way to feel comfortable when you are around others. Others who are meant to nurture you, making you feel better. Instead, you push them away too.
The thing about loneliness is it too can start to feel comfortable. We become victim to it. Thinking that being lonely is the only part of our story that matters. Searching for a partner that isn’t good enough for us just to satisfy the need. Or numbing the loneliness with drugs and alcohol. Or sometimes the loneliness bears too much we start to project it into other forms – anger, anxiety, sadness. In return hurting ourselves more. The pain cuts deeper.
Loneliness is the deepest feeling of all. It takes all forms and it attacks all people. We look around at each other and we think we are all different. But somewhere inside all of us at our deepest core, there is something to be felt – loneliness. A longing, a lonely feeling that cannot be cured by outside sources. Ask yourself, really ask yourself – which loneliness have you fell victim too. I bet it’s all three.