I know it comes. I know it creeps in silently and waits to ambush you when you are completely off guard. I know because I have felt it too.
I know about the trying days when it feels like a suction pump is squeezing every bit of your soul and I know how you wait for the night on those days. I know your battle and I know that unlike all other battles, this one, you want to fight alone. I know the emptiness which seems to engulf you and how you crave to go back to nothingness; nothingness which must have existed before you descended into womb. I know the longing of not wanting to exist, to exist at all.
And I know too that you are much deeper, stronger and braver than you seem to be at the surface.
I know that you are a headstrong fighter. I know how you have persisted through deep dark nights to fight all alone with the demons and how you have managed to come out victorious each time by the daylight.
I know that you have enormous strength. I know your heart is a magnanimous ocean of courage and willpower and I know you can swallow the high tidal waves of fears and insecurities even on a full moon night.
I know there are moments when you forget your power and I know too that your faith is far more brilliant than the dicey moments of weakness.
All you need is to keep on the track of right kind of belief system. And to keep on track, you just need a few daily reminders to self:-
You matter. You might not have the slightest idea of how and when you touched someone’s life but there would be at least some whom you facilitated by being a medium for their growth.
You are here for a reason. You might not feel significant or in synch but wherever you are, this place was chosen for you and you are equipped to sail beyond this.
You are healing. You might feel too overwhelmed but know that it too shall pass. Take your time but get back on your toes. All your experiences are designed to promote your healing.
You are learning. The equations of life, learning and growth work in a labyrinthine way; often the hardest struggles and inner conflicts are the greatest teachers of all. You are learning even when you think all you can feel is choking.
And most importantly, you are special. You are God’s child, an expression of his love. Every one of us is. So close your eyes, remind yourself that you are loved, you are important, you are worthy and you are much bigger than your demonic fears. And when you open your eyes, let go and how much ever amount of effort it takes, just choose to smile.