To The Girl Who Can’t Get Over My Boy

Sylvain Reygaerts

First of all, he still cares about you. And, of course, he would like to be friends with you. But your desperation for him pushes him away. He doesn’t know how to act around you anymore; I’m not even sure if he knows what to feel about you anymore.

I have to admit, when I first found out about you, I was slightly jealous. Because you’re so pretty and you’re so talented. And once upon a time, he loved you and really cared for you. That doesn’t go away overnight. But you have to be a part of what shaped him to be the man he is today, and I love that man, so I have you to thank for it.

But it’s over now, and you have to accept it. Endlessly messaging my boy isn’t going to make him change his mind to date you. I am not the reason you broke up.

I only met him months after you broke up, when he decided that door was closed and when we were both in a position to start a new journey together. Your endless streams of essays hurt us both. He doesn’t need to be reminded of the hurt that he had to go through carrying the burden of that relationship; I don’t need to know the graphic details of what you did with him. You need to respect that he has moved on. You need to respect his decision. You need to respect that I am his girl now, and I am not just “some random girl” who is just a fling. I am here to stay.

Despite that, I want you to know that I hold nothing against you, because I have been in your position once; I understand how painful it is to see someone whom your happiness depends upon happy without you. But trust me, it will get better.

Someday, you’ll find someone so perfect for you, you two will fit perfectly. You won’t have to accommodate for him; you won’t have to try extra hard. Because just by being you, you will make that someone very happy. But that someone will not be my boy, because you both have tried many times. It didn’t work; it won’t work. Some things are just not meant to be.

I want you to be happy. No one should feel as trapped or as miserable as you do. But I need you to understand that your happiness is not contingent on my boy or his willingness to be with you. I assure you, when you’re happy single, you will be even happier in relationships. But you shouldn’t go into a relationship looking for happiness. You should be happy; and just then, a relationship will come to you when you’re not even looking anymore. Because falling in love should be effortless; love should be easy.

That’s how it happened to me. I admit I was pathetic too. I begged for my ex too. It took me longer than the duration of my previous relationship to actually get over the relationship. And just when I stopped looking, and started settling, I found my boy. He was so sweet and though he didn’t sweep me off my feet, he stole my heart slowly but surely. And when that happened, suddenly, all the desperation for my previous relationship made no sense anymore. After moving on, it was so much easier to be friends, than to pretend to only want to be friends.

I know it’s hard. I know you don’t want to move on, because you think you love him, and you are still attached to him emotionally. But do you really love and miss him, or do you just love the good boyfriend that he is, and the sweet things he used to do for you? And if you really love him, it is precisely that reason that you should move on. Take your time with my boy as a lesson, and build a better relationship next time. First loves are hard because we never know what to expect, and that’s why they rarely ever last, but that’s also why it gets better. We can only keep doing better in life, and try to minimize our regrets as we grow older and wiser.

I wish only for you to be happy, and I hate seeing you like that. But you have to stop asking back for my boy. The past is the past; it is over. He is happy with me, and I am happy with him. I love seeing how his face lights up when I do something silly; it’s effortless, it is easy. I know you think that all relationships require work. That is true. But the work should be easy; it shouldn’t be one person compensating for the other. It shouldn’t be one person hurting to hold on to the other. It should be a joy to make your partner happy, just like how when his face lights up, mine does too.

One day, I hope you experience what I experience now. But for now, please let go. Please move on. You’ll be happier this way. I promise it will get better.

The girl dating your ex. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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