Thought Catalog

10 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re Grieving

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Yaoqi LAI

Losing anyone in your life, whether it be your Dad, Mom, brother, sister, or just a friend, feels like a truck running you over with emotions. Sometimes we think we’re prepared to say goodbye, but other times we don’t see it coming at all.

But whenever and however it happens, it doesn’t matter. That person is gone, and you’re left hurting.

Most of us aren’t even prepared to deal with all these feelings either. We think we have to be okay, so we just bury everything we’re feeling so we can take it out when we’re “ready” to deal with it.

But you never are.

There’s never a right time to break down completely, and eventually, you start to realize that keeping your feelings in isn’t the best idea, especially when these things start happening to you.

1. You can’t concentrate no matter how hard you try.

Remember how you could sit down and read a book, binge-watch a whole tv series, or have real conversations with people? Now, you’re lucky if you can have 15 minutes where you don’t forget what you’re doing, or have a panic attack. It feels like your brain and your head are under water every day all day, and no matter how hard you try, the brain fog doesn’t go away.

2. You go out and physically you’re there but mentally and emotionally you aren’t.

You used to be the one who would go out at the drop of a hat, even if it was until early in the morning. You used to dance the night away with your friends and enjoy every single minute of it. And you still try to go out now but when you do, it’s not the same. You don’t feel alive like you used to and you’d actually rather be huddled under blankets on your couch than be in a crowded club. For some reason, you just can’t back in your groove.

3. You act like you’re fine but you aren’t fine.

You have so many people in your life who are asking how you’re doing, and you know that you could tell them how you really feel right now. But you don’t. Instead, you put a brave face on and say, “I’m fine, just fine.” And somehow, they believe you. They don’t know that you’re dying on the inside, crying yourself to sleep and feel like no one understands how you feel.

4. You avoid certain song, movies, and places.

Like after a really bad breakup, you can’t even drive past some of your favorite places now, and you end up taking a long way home so you don’t have to look at them and relive the memories of when your person was still here. Or when you see their favorite movie is on TV, you pick something else. Watching it would only mean you bawling your eyes out the entire time, and you’re not ready to do that. And when a song they loved comes on the radio, you immediately skip it. It’s too painful to listen to now.

5. You push people away.

You know your friends would be there if you asked them to, but you just want to be alone. They aren’t going through what you are, and it’s easier to huddle up in your room alone than explain to them that you’re in absolute pain. So when they ask you to hang out, you just say no or stop talking to them. It’s not that you hate them either, it’s just that being around happy people is too hard right now.

6. You think too much.

You never used to be so insecure, or second guess every move you make. Now you do. It’s like a little voice in your head speaks up every time you say something, making you feel extremely vulnerable. You also wonder if people can tell what you’re going through just by looking at you. You really hope not because you definitely don’t feel like explaining it to anyone because you might just break down.

7. You let other people make decisions for you.

Usually, you would just tell someone where you want to eat for dinner, what you feel like doing on a Saturday afternoon, or what movie you want to watch. Now even the smallest decisions are hard for you to make, so you basically ask someone else to do it every single time. It probably comes off as needy or insecure too, but you just can’t handle doing the decision making.

8. You stop taking care of yourself.

You should do your laundry, but it’s too big of a job right now. You should also spend some time thinking about yourself and what you need, but it’s easier to take care of other people than admit you’re so brokenhearted. So, you put everyone else’s needs before yours, again, and never stop thinking about other people long enough to realize that you deserve some me time to deal with this pain.

9. You learn it’s okay to not be okay.

You know that “big girls don’t cry,” but that’s exactly what you feel like doing a lot of the time now. And sometimes, you just have to. It doesn’t matter where you are either, it could be in your car, in front of your computer at work, or right before you go to sleep. There’s no way you can stop the tears so you just let them come. And you’ve stopped caring what people think by now because it hurts too much to hold your feelings in anymore.

10. You wish you could be your old self but you can’t be.

You tried fixing yourself back into who you used to be before you lost someone, but it didn’t work. You so badly wanted to go back to that version of yourself when you were happy and confident. But now you know that because you lost someone you’ll never be the same, and that’s okay. Your new job is finding out who this new you is, and it doesn’t matter how long that takes. TC mark

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