Just like the Johnny Cash song.
You’ve got a way to keep me on your side. You give me cause for love that I can’t hide. For you I know I’d even try to turn the tide. Because you’re mine, I walk the line.
If you were anybody else, I would not play this game. I would hate the constant feeling of being in limbo, of constantly wondering where I fit. I do not have those questions this time around.
I like you. I like you as a friend – a best friend. I like you as so much more than a friend. I like the heat of your body, and how I am not even cold until you touch me, and then I burn because you are a fire in my veins. I like the way you make me laugh. I like that I do not think about you all the time, but the littlest things remind me of you – a movie or a song or a car that looks like yours or flannel shirts and nerdy watches. I like that the simplest things can make me think of you. I like that I think everything about you is sexy. I like that a lot.
I like that I do not know how you feel. You have never said the words to me. I have no need to hear them, at least not yet.
I have never felt this way. It is terrifying.
I am walking this line. And I am beginning to wonder which way I will fall. Will I fall hard onto the side where I am utterly alone? Or will I fall into your arms, warm and willingly? Will you catch me? Do you want to? Will we walk away holding hands? Will we walk separate directions?
You know. You know I wear my heart of my sleeve, and you know how I am feeling, even if you do not know why all the time. We talked about that once.
You looked at me when I told you how happy I am in the place I am with the people I am surrounded by and how I am being myself unapologetically and that I can say that honestly, and your soul was bare in your eyes. I could see your vulnerable love and I wanted to stay in that place forever. I wanted to crawl into your gaze and wrap myself in its warmth. It was a single moment, but it was exactly what I needed.
I looked away too soon that day, when I caught you staring, and heat rose to my cheeks. I did not even know it then, but it was a moment when I realized that this line might be dangerous. I might be in farther that I should be. I might have fallen without knowing. I might have already scraped my knees, or broken my arm, or worse. What if it’s worse?
I ask too many “what if” questions.
I just want to love you. So I will keep walking this line, because you will be mine. Thanks Johnny.