If You Think He’s Still In Love With Her He Probably Is

Shutterstock / chainarong06
Shutterstock / chainarong06

Here’s the set up: You meet a wonderful, smart, funny, cute (in a totally unassuming way) guy who seems untouchable. What could possibly go wrong? You have been through your shit but you are ready and willing to find love and he might as well be it. You two start spending all your time together and you fall really hard, really quickly. There is just one small problem, he claims he is “not ready for a relationship.” Sound familiar? He still talks about her in his sleep and mentions her name in a tone of voice that you can just not ignore. Because this is a perfect setup for heartbreak.

In his mind, this mystery girl, the girl you hate, the girl you wish you could be, is perfect. He sees a level of perfection in her that you feel you should be able to reach, but just can’t. She probably broke his heart and now he wants what he can’t have. She is untainted and exactly what he thinks he needs. This fact alone will make you feel like you are never good enough for him.

But here’s the secret: you are absolutely, no matter what, always good enough.

He is not ready to let go of his past while you, strong and beautiful you, have made peace with the past. Yes, chances are you have loved before, but you have learned that those people were not the right fit for you and that there are far better things ahead. He, however, does not see this logic. He holds on to a girl whose perfume will never smell better on anyone else, a girl who has no doubt strung him along, a girl who you can never be. A girl you shouldn’t even want to be.

You are not made up of his mistakes or anyone else’s.

“You are what you love, not who loves you.”

We must live by this quote or we will never feel adequate enough. He is so blinded by something, anything, that he cannot see what is right in front of his eyes. It doesn’t have to be a girl. It could be his job, his school work, his mother: anything! You deserve to be seen for what you truly are worth and not be compared to anyone else.

I get it; you are probably sick of hearing that phrase. So how does one begin to see their own worth? I’m not entirely sure yet, it is something I’m still trying to figure out for myself, but I think it is something we have to be conscious of every single day. We must wake up and have so much self-love that the little things start to roll off of our backs. Remember, you have a right to be here. You have grown into a person you should be proud of. You made it through so many things and you get up every day to fight new (and old) demons. That makes you the strongest person I know. Don’t forget that.

Self-love is usually the first step in any revival and once you can hone that, you will not be about to hold on to anyone who does not have the same view of you, that you have of yourself. He is blinded folded and the only person who has the right hands to take off that blindfold, is himself. How can he see gold when he is not willing to take off that blindfold yet? That darkness is comforting and familiar to him and he is not willing to give that up. So do yourelf a favor and give him up.

Find a new fish in the sea who can see you for you. Don’t drown in someone’s darkness when you can bathe in someone’s light. Chances are, you are much too old and mature to deal with a boy who is not ready to move on with his life. He will soon learn that moving on, is the only way to live. Unless you have dedicated your life to him or are his mother, it is not your responsibility to teach him anything.

He missed out. But you’re better than that; you will keep moving on, and give people a chance, because there is simply no other way to live. TC mark

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