Why We All Need To Find Love In Ourselves Before We Find Love In Other People

Clem Onojeghuo
Clem Onojeghuo

Recently, I sat in church and listened to my priest talk about the concept of finding that person. You know, that person that is made for you, that person that you spend the rest of your life with. He spoke about finding order in our life before we can find love. He said that there’s an order to which love comes about, and without order you have chaos. The feelings of love can be chaos in themselves at time, but without the right order, we cannot properly welcome love into our lives.

I perked up, and listened a little bit more as the homily went on. Naturally, this is a topic that grasps my attention, as I am the prime example of a hopeless romantic. I fill my days with dreams of my wedding and what my husband will be like. I’m not ashamed to admit that I have my dream wedding completely planned, all the way to the date I want it on. When I say my prayers each night, I pray for my future husband’s well being. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed in the thought that it could be years before I find that person, if I do at all.

One of my biggest flaws is that I cannot help but compare myself to those around me, and that includes comparing my current love status to those around me. I feel discontent with where my love life is at when I see other people my age succeeding in relationships and even getting engaged. Although I am young, it’s hard not to wonder why I’m not like everyone else, finding that person and living the fairytale love story. It’s hard to not look for validation through that person when others my age have found their validation. It’s hard to be that friend that has to keep waiting while everyone else lives happily ever after.

So flash forward back to me sitting in church, and my priest begins to elaborate on this idea of the right order. He says that ultimately, the order is out of our control, which I completely understand. He says that we have to trust time instead of rushing time. But he catches me by surprise when he says that everyone’s order starts with this crazy concept – loving God and loving yourself the way God loves you. I’m sure there are people reading this that aren’t Catholic, but the idea is the same.

Everyone’s right order starts with loving yourself completely, truly and fully.

I can continue to waste my time thinking about these fabricated endings, but here’s the thing. Reality doesn’t come in clearly marked packages and clearly marked road signs. Reality comes in a wave of packages and signs and its up to us to somehow piece them together. Ultimately, we can’t reach that person until we reach ourselves first. There’s a plan for me and you and the person sitting next to you right now, for today and tomorrow and the rest of time. That’s the only clear sign we have. The rest is going to be as it is meant to be.

The homily ended and I felt a little different, I felt as though I had really found an answer of some kind. The answer is that this isn’t the time; I haven’t found the package yet that holds that person, and that’s completely okay. Because I can’t find that package until I follow the sign to love myself and be confident in myself and all that I can accomplish on my own. I can’t find that package until I go down the road where I build myself up to be a confident woman who sees value in myself beyond what other people think of me. That package can’t be opened until I look in the mirror and look myself in the eye and say, “I believe in you.”

The right order falls into place when you least expect it. That person shows up when you finally become content with who you are. But that person also shows up when you have enough strength and confidence to pour into someone else, and lead a life of combined strength. Love is chaos, but even chaos has an order, and it starts with loving the chaos in your soul before loving anyone else. TC mark

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