Shoutout to the boys before my current boyfriend that ruined me.
Finally, I have a man I can trust not to cheat. FINALLY. Even in his wildest dreams, another girl isn’t on his radar. At the bar, he isn’t even sure other girls are in the room. He is always making sure I’m mentally at ease when he’s out. I could offer him a threesome with Kate Upton, and he wouldn’t even blink. I’m literally the only girl that he could ever want. But when he is out, I’m sweaty, nervous, can’t breathe, stomach in knots, and anxious.
So what’s my problem? The boys that came before him.
I’ve been ruined, like many, by a past relationship. I’ve picked some of the best winners possible. A secret cheater who had skype sex while not only was I within walking distance, but so was his skype partner. A boy who was still in love with his ex, whom he is now engaged to. And an abuser who I let walk all over me. So now, every time my man is out, I’m worried because trust is a myth in my head.
I literally sit at home and drive myself insane thinking of how history could repeat itself, when all I should do is pop my feet up, turn on Netflix, and eat some ice cream after a long day at the hospital. Why can’t I do that?
The only comfort I can offer myself is that if he cheats, then he never cared. But that’s not even enough. Because if he didn’t care roughly 900 other questions pop into my head. Like was I not good enough? Did I do something wrong? Maybe I’m too crazy for anyone? Are my boobs not good enough? Maybe its my job and how long my days are? Or is it because I don’t want to go out like other girls and get drunk? Am I unlovable that even the most loyal man was driven to cheat? There must be something innately wrong with me that I am incapable of finding one guy to settle down.
The only cure: love myself. I need to know that I am more than enough. I am the best version of me I can be. I love my amazing job. I am good looking enough. I am fun enough. I AM ENOUGH. He is a great, loving, trustworthy guy, and I am enough for him. Those other guys weren’t ever going to love me the right way, and now I finally have someone who is going to love me better than I even deserve.