He’s a whirlwind of messiness sprinkled with comfort; a tornado of great thoughts and minuscule actions; a volcano of emotions behind a wall of brick; a miserable storm of insecurities and perfection. You see everything he is and wants to be, while he sees who he is now and not who he could be.
He needs something to bring him out of his own head and into the reality where he could do anything he wants if he could just realize his potential.
He needs saving from drowning in his own thoughts.
But that’s not something you can do. You are not the lifeguard of his mind. You can only save yourself from drowning in the depths of his potential.
You spend days, weeks, years waiting for him to see what you see: a beautiful mess of perfection and potential. Patience, my dear. You must let the boy figure it out on his own. He needs time to become a man whom he loves himself.
Unfortunately, in that waiting game, you’ll lose yourself. You stand by working for him, helping him to reach his goals, telling him daily how you love him and how he can do anything, all while your soul takes a backseat. You love him more everyday, even though your words mean nothing to someone who is so insecure in himself.
And one day, after you’ve built him up over years while getting nothing in return, you find that boy has changed. He’s no longer the simple kid who you fell in love with on a Friday night in your parents home.
He’s a boy who can’t see past the moment he is in, to even comprehend you in his future. When things started, he had confidence in you, him, and the relationship. As soon as he loses faith in one of those three things, the others will fade.
First to go is his confidence in him. He cannot see himself as worthy of anything, especially you and your time. So he’ll become cold and hard. When you show emotions, he’ll change the subject. When you bring up anything past the weekend, he’ll brush it off. You notice these changes. He used to sit and name your kids, suddenly a date two weeks in advance is pressuring him.
So how do you deal with your willingness to do everything for someone when they won’t even consider you an option down the road? You don’t. You leave the relationship in silence. You pray. You spend a few days to yourself.
Show him what life is like without you in it. If he doesn’t miss you, then he might never miss you. Love yourself so in the end, if he doesn’t, someone still does.
It’s a harsh and cold reality we face when we want to save people from themselves. You cannot save anyone who does not want saving.