Every day since, you have felt the tension in the air between your bodies. It is as though the words “You lied to me” linger delicately in the space between you, which seems to grow every second.
When you look at them, you do not think about anything but the lips that have touched theirs, the ones that are not your own. You ask yourself: Did they like it? More? Did they have to lean down to meet the other person’s lips, were they tall enough, did they not have to stand on the tips of their toes to meet the embrace? Did they like it better that way? You know they will assure you of the opposite. You know it will be hard for you to accept it, but ultimately you will, because you see no other choice. Maybe it becomes easier to accept the lies of the ones you love.
When you sit on the train together, lightly resting your head on their shoulder, you close your eyes but do not dare sleep. Every second you are not in conscious is a second they could be thinking of someone else, or more than one other person, and you would not be aware. Every second in consciousness is also the same, and you are not sure which state you prefer. You wonder if they are thinking of someone else at this very moment. You wonder what they will be thinking about when you rest next to each other in bed tonight. Will they be thinking about the truths they have not told you, or the lies that have already left their mouth?
You know he knows that if they mess up again, it will be over. You also know that this is the exact reason that you will never know if they make another mistake. You wonder if this is a reality you will make yourself accept.
Before you can stop it, your brain fast-forwards uncontrollably. You think about your future together, a concept so intangible but which you so desperately hope you still have. Together. And you wonder if, even then, you will doubt their words when they tell you they loves you. You think about the rate of divorce, and swear that will never happen to you. You worry. You love them, but you wonder if love has been or ever will be enough.
But suddenly, your thoughts settle, if only for a moment. You know there is no one else, not for you.