Okay, so I have never been pregnant or raised a human being yet, but there is no way it is more difficult than raising a puppy to a full-grown canine. Just a few short weeks with my boxer-lab-mastiff-retriever-pitbull mutt Max have proven to me that raising a dog requires some serious mother material. Here’s why.
1. Lack of sleep.
Sure, babies crying in the middle of night is enough to shake you from your slumber, but there is something about a yelping, howling, whining puppy that not only wakes you but will haunt your dreams for the remainder of the evening.
2. Potty training.
While changing the dirty diapers of your child has its own drawbacks, I would argue that chasing around a wily puppy who cannot seem to control his bowel movements, using endless bouts of carpet cleaner and waiting for hours in the cold for your dog to find just the right spot is a bit more inconvenient. Unless you’re the type who believes in diapers for dogs (and if you are then this whole post is likely meaningless to you), then I’m sure all you pet owners out there would agree.
Babies may be loud, finicky and needy but I can guarantee nothing they do can be as painful as those damn puppy teeth. The gashes on my hands and arms are testament to the fact that puppies have absolutely no care for the pain their fangs can inflict on you, nor for the general look of your upper extremities.
Whereas babies may have the ability of destroying your social life and the maintenance of your physical appearance, they are unlikely to bite the furniture, tear up your hard-wood flooring or rip the stuffing out of your plush new throw pillows.
I know babies are expensive. The combination of medical bills, supplies, diapers, baby food, clothing, binkies and more that are necessary to rear a child can add up to one steep price tag. But I would argue that puppies, with their adoption fees, shots, food, puppy pads, toys, leashes and collars, beds, crates and treats are right up there in terms of being one expensive life decision.
Even though this article may make me seem like some dog-hating, crazy old cat lady, I have actually never been happier than I am now with my three-month-old terror. Max has tested my patience but more importantly has taught me how to be a more caring, loving and all-around better person and he makes me laugh ten times more often than he makes me want to pull my hair out.
And he might even be preparing me for the day that I do decide to raise a child, and realize that my thoughts on babies were completely wrong all along.