1. The pain you are feeling is temporary.
I know it hurts right now. But that is just that: right now. There will come a day when you wake up and no longer feel a heaviness in your heart. There will come a day where your head will no longer ache at the thought of him. There will come a day where your heart will feel whole again. The hole that was once there will be sealed over with a new confidence and a true happiness. The piece of you that he took with him will regrow. You will come back stronger than you were before him because you have learned how to fight through the pain you were dealt. The hurt you are feeling will not last forever. There is always an end to a storm, and the sun will come out again.
2. It’s okay to take time for yourself.
We sometimes forget to put ourselves before others. It’s an unhealthy, human habit. But it’s important for us to realize that you do not constantly have to have someone. It’s okay to spend some time on yourself. Whether you are improving yourself mentally, emotionally, or physically, you should never feel ashamed for taking some of your time to work on you. Go shopping and get yourself a new shirt that you love. Cut your hair or get your nails done in your favorite color. Go for a nature walk in the warm sun. Do some yoga. Read a book. Treat yourself to a sweet treat. You should be in love with yourself and your own life before you fall in love with someone else and take a step into their life. Stop searching for someone else and find yourself instead.
3. What’s meant to be will be.
You cannot prevent an outcome. You can try to do everything in your power to attempt to steer results towards what you want, but at the end of the day, if something is meant to be (or not meant to be), you will have no control over the conclusion. You cannot make someone stay who does not want to stay. You cannot force someone to have feelings when they do not. You cannot control another person’s actions. This is a time to realize that some things are out of your control. However, what you can control is how you handle an outcome. Change the way you’re looking at the situation and you may come to realize that things really aren’t that bad. Looking at negative things in a more positive manner can improve your mood and establish a hopeful mindset. “It is good this happened because now I can focus on my career.” “I am glad this happened because I can find something better.” “It is okay this happened because now I can focus on my family or my friendships.” Remember to tell yourself that everything happens for a reason, even if you do not fully understand it at the time.
4. Moving on isn’t meant to happen overnight.
Time heals all wounds. Odds are you may have heard this saying multiple times already throughout your life. If not, I’m saying it to you now. You’re hurting, and it’s okay. You’re allowed to hurt. It shows that you cared, and you should have no shame in that. Take the time to let the damage sink in. Cry it out for a few days. Eat a tub of ice cream. Take a week to sulk on the couch if you need to. But do not allow yourself to swim in your tears for so long that you drown in them. At some point, you are going to have to drag yourself out from the water, put yourself on dry land again, and start walking towards something that is better. Remember that healing is not a race. You can move at your own pace. Do not rush yourself to feel whole again, because if you do, there’s a likely chance your heart is still fragile and can easily break again. Do not let those around you tell you that you should be over it by now. Only you know about your own feelings. Only you understand how deeply you feel things. Only you know how long it will take for you to move on. Just because others do not understand your timing and your feelings does not mean they are not valid and should not be taken seriously.
5. Remember to look for the good.
Despite how terrible a situation may seem, the odds are that some good has or will come out of this, even if you cannot see it right now. A lot of the time, we are so quick to look at the negatives in a bad situation because we are upset or angry. We rarely look at a bad situation from a different point-of-view. A positive point-of-view. You may personally grow from this situation by becoming stronger emotionally, or you may mature mentally. You may be moving on from something toxic in your life that you didn’t see before. Not everything is lost here. You are learning something from this circumstance. You are developing strength. You are discovering who you are as a person. Not everything in this scenario is as horrible as it may feel.
6. Remember what you deserve.
Oftentimes, we are told our standards are too high when it comes to looking for a potential partner. When we hear this, we question if we are too picky. Sometimes we may even drop those standards in order to fit the criteria of someone we have the slightest bit of interest in just because we want something. Anything. Maybe we desire attention or maybe we hope that they will change and exceed beyond our expectations by some miracle. However, you cannot make a puzzle piece fit where it does not belong. When we get attached to someone, we become blinded by our feelings, and we tend to ignore obvious red flags. Do not get yourself caught up in someone who is not meeting your standards. Do not forget what you deserve from someone. You deserve someone who wants to give you time and attention, not someone who is only talking to you because they have no one else to talk to. You deserve someone who will listen and who will care about your heart and feelings, not someone who will run for the hills at the slightest mention of an emotion you are feeling. You deserve someone who will give you 100% of them—the good, the bad, and the ugly. You deserve someone who will take time to get to know your mind and not just your body. It’s easy to get attached to someone who you find attractive. It’s easy to get attached to someone who’s words seem like they came straight out of a fairy tale. However, if they are not showing you that they are interested, why are you allowing them to break your heart? Do not get attached to someone who isn’t giving you what you want, because at the end of the day, if you are not getting what you want, what are you actually getting?
7. It’s okay to still care.
Just because you are moving on does not mean you are no longer allowed to care. You do not have to close all of the doors and blinds to your heart, lock yourself in, and act like you have no feelings. If your heart decided to attach itself to someone who left or rejected you, you can’t just rip it away without leaving behind a small part of you. This part of you is something that classifies you as someone who is kindhearted and thoughtful. There may be a chance you can still be friends, but if not, it’s okay to still want the best for this person. Do not hate them because they decided you were not what was best for them. You can still reach out and just check in to see how they are. A kind word can go a long way in the end. Do not make yourself heartless because you are hurt. Do not allow yourself to change who you are just because it may be who they are.
8. There is more to life than just this.
I know that right now, this may seem like the end of the world. You may feel as if you will never find anyone again. You may feel as if you will never heal or you will never be able to give your heart to someone ever again because you are scared they will crush it under their heel. You will probably wish that time would just stop because it would be better for the world to end than to carry on. Okay, that may be a little dramatic, but you get my point. Although finding a forever partner is a large part of life, it is not all of it. Life has so much more to offer than just romantic love. Don’t let yourself get so caught up in the idea of love that you forget to live the other portions of your life. Friendships. Family. Career. Living in general. Don’t assume that this hiccup in one area of your life is the end of the road. It’s just a speed hump. You will get over it and continue on your journey.