So, rape. There’s so much stigma attached to it. There’s so much taboo, ignorance, prejudice and generalizations encompassing it. It would be so much easier to pretend it never happened at all than to get to the crux of what it really means and why it happens or how it feels. But talking about it, admitting it, confessing it because you feel so dirty and guilty after it is agonizingly difficult, especially when confronted with the following all too common reactions:
1. You’re making it up. You’re attention seeking.
It’s your word against his. He will tell everyone it was consensual and you’re a lying bitch. And you will feel like shit trying to defend the fact you actually were raped, and aren’t making up a story because you realised you didn’t like it half way through. There is enough stories of people making it up these days that real stories are hardly taken with the same legitimacy, and of course,
2. You’re a whore! You asked for it! You wanted it!
Hey, everyone knows you like sex! Everyone knows you love sleeping around! If you love any sex, you love all sex! You’re a slut. Whether you scream no or not, your reputation says you want this.
3. Well what were you wearing?
I’m just saying, if it was short, low cut, a dress, make up, anything at all, or nothing at all, then you were dressed to get attention. You got it.
4. You were drunk. You don’t even remember what happened… you probably only imagined saying no, ha, hussy.
Because you were drunk your capacity to say no is diminished also. He was drunk too; he didn’t know what you were saying. Are you sure those weren’t happy tears?
5. You’re going to ruin his whole life, for what? A good night out?
He’s honestly a good boy, and so what if he did slip up one night and make a little mistake. You’re still fine. Look, would you really ruin somebody’s whole life when you realistically know you aren’t going to feel any satisfaction whether he’s persecuted or not? No matter what happens to him you’re still in the same position. Don’t punish other people with your problems.
6. You can’t prove anything at all. Again, nobody will believe you.
Do you have any evidence you were raped? Then why are you still here? You realise if you can’t prove anything nobody can do anything about it? You’re feeling all sad and worthless for no reason. It’s in the past. Move on.
7. You lead him on.
If you hadn’t flirted and acted like you did, making him think something more would happen, then this wouldn’t have happened. You can only blame yourself.
8. He’s a good boy… he didn’t mean it.
He has his entire life ahead of him, and what, you’re going to tarnish his whole life and reputation, for one little mistake of an incident? He didn’t even realise anything was amiss, it’s the culture that’s the problem so don’t take it out on the poor boy.
9. Are you sure you’re not over reacting? Like I know you said no, but it doesn’t sound like you said it very convincingly, I mean, you didn’t even fight?
You didn’t fight? How was he to even know you weren’t consenting? You can’t just expect a man to know, especially if you lead him on all night!
10. You didn’t report it either?
I know personally, as somebody who has no actual experience in any kind of incident even close to or in any way similar to your situation, I would be reporting it the second I scrambled away.
Unless I was tramp and had made up this whole thing? Then I probably wouldn’t. Do you see what I’m saying here?