As I play rewind inside my mind, I can never remember a time in which I truly loved myself. The thin and fragile skin of my childhood barely served as protection from the words that were hurled at me or the eyes that pierced me with daggers of judgement. The avalanche of stones hurled by bullies buried me in negativity and self-doubt. By the time I blossomed into adulthood, the damage was done, and I feared my soul was forever gone, my self-esteem permanently shattered.
Yet, here I am, slowly rising from the rubble of darkness, like the sunrise from the east with each new day. As each rock rolls away, uncovering another small part of me, I find ways to embrace the piece of my being with unconditional love and forgiving kindness. Though it is taking incredible strength and unmatched patience, I am finally learning to accept all that I am.
With each breath I take and each move I make, this is me finally loving myself.
This is me finally loving myself through indulgence. I’m finally allowing myself the simple pleasures in life like ice cream or sleeping in without the overwhelming guilt that used to eat away at me. There’s no more denying myself all that I desire or punishing myself for partaking. Feeding the soul is a beautiful, human thing, and I’m no less deserving than another.
As I love myself, I let go of the guilt and shame of my youth. I release the voices in my head that shout at me to restrict, to deny, to punish myself. I practice moderation, balancing my desires with my needs. I allow myself simple pleasures while being aware of what those around me may need. Cause no harm but take no shit. Embrace your hopes and cravings while also showing love to those in your heart.
This is me finally loving myself through celebration and joy. I’m finally allowing myself to smile and embrace all the goodness that rains upon me each day. There’s no need to deprive myself of happiness, nor is there need to dwell in the darkness of the past. Celebrating my successes, big or small, is acceptable and doesn’t make me egotistical or any less lovely.
As I love myself, I let go of the cloud that has long hung over my head. I liberate myself from the belief that I only deserve to suffer, to feel pain. I begin to skip down the path, celebrating each tiny victory along the way. I allow myself to smell the roses, to win the prize, to climb upward. Don’t brag but embrace the winning streaks as they come. See all the good that unfolds each and every day, the wonderful things that rain down from the sky.
This is me finally loving myself through the beauty that radiates within. I’m finally allowing myself to look in the mirror and see someone who is worthy, someone who is pure. There’s no more insulting myself for my appearance or refusing compliments. There can be beauty even in my physical flaws, and I’m no less stunning than any other woman in this world.
As I love myself, I finally step into the sun and see all of me. I stand in front of the mirror, allowing my eyes to gaze upon myself without judgement for the first time in my life. I search for what those who love me see each and every day, wanting very much to view it with my own twinkling eyes. Look deep but don’t search for flaws. Embrace the beautiful uniqueness that makes me who I am.
For the first time in my life, the sunshine radiates on my pale, soft skin. The storm inside fades away, and the path is paved in fondness and respect for all that I am, inside and out. I rise from the ashes of self-loathing into the dawn of the era of dancing within the comfort that comes with self-love.
Because, this is me finally loving myself. This is me allowing myself to simply be.