To The One Who I Let Go

Anthony Tran / Unsplash

I held you close, constantly trying to keep you safe. I knew you were so special. I loved you deep within my heart, you meant the most to me. I tried keeping you guarded under lock and key. I didn’t want anyone else to have you. I built up walls, seemingly fortified and invincible, yet somehow, they continued to be knocked down. I tried my hardest to keep you shiny, flawless, in mint condition… yet somehow you ended up tattered and torn. I selfishly wanted you just to myself, but I didn’t know how to shield you from the raid.

I didn’t mean to let you go, I never wanted to lose you.

At first, it was seemingly innocent, the way they lured you in. I thought that I had taught you well; I never thought their sinister plan would work. It never was instant, nor did they keep you long, but rather they stole you slowly, piece by piece, one day at a time. I gave you rules, set curfew hours, thinking that would somehow help. It didn’t matter the time of day, though: they were constantly on the prowl. Each moment I grew comfortable and turned my back, or took the smallest of breaks from your care, that’s when they slithered in like snakes, silently like ninjas in the night.

I didn’t mean to let them in, I never wanted you to go.

Once I began just to see how they were taking you from me, it was already too late. It was as if they’d brainwashed you or somehow changed your name. They’d cast a spell on you, and my love was no longer strong enough to keep you from their flame. I knew that they were really torturing you, but they told you it was all for fun, just a sort of game. I watched the light fade from your eyes, I watched you lose your pride. They broke your spirit, then used your body until they made you lame. I saw you sinking, just watched you drown, yet I never found enough courage to save you.

I didn’t know what to do, I never thought I’d lose you.

They say someday I might win you back, that, somehow, I may still find you. It’s been too long since I’ve heard your voice, too many nights without your touch. I still try to remember your face and the way you combed your hair. I’ve been told to just keep holding on, to not lose hope, that the good guys always win in the end. They say to stay strong, to not lose sight, to keep my eye on the prize (that’s you). Yet, deep down inside, I know I failed you from the start, that you never really had a chance.

I let you down, I’m terribly sorry, I’m forever lost without you. TC mark

Megan Glosson

Writer. Mental Health/Disability Advocate. Mom. Lover of All.


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