When You Never Had The Chance To Say Goodbye

A woman with brown hair and a gray t-shirt lies face down on a white sheet
Vladislav Muslakov / Unsplash

Dear Almost, 

When we first met, I knew you were someone special. You instantly made me feel beautiful, you made me laugh all the time. I soon found myself thinking that you hung the moon, that you were the most wonderful person on this Earth. I was ready to lay it all on the line, give it all, heart and soul, just to be with you.

But then, something changed. I could feel the shift, could see you pushing away, but I didn’t understand why. My response, as anyone’s would be, was to push harder back into you. But next thing I knew, you were gone. It was like you vanished into thin air: you wouldn’t answer my texts or my calls…I couldn’t even find you anymore on Facebook.

Who would do such a thing? Who would leave without explanation, without even so much as a simple goodbye? Who would leave someone in the darkness, with nothing but some phone selfies and a broken heart?

Apparently, my almost, that person is you. I can’t really decide if I hate you or if I’m still pining for you, even after all these months. I’ve started writing this so many times, but every time I try I find myself dissatisfied. I can’t quite decide what I’m even supposed to say, or what you expect from me.

Sometimes I spend my nights that I’m unable to sleep replaying everything in my head. I can still picture your face, your hair, even the way your ass looked in your favorite jeans. If I close my eyes, I can still hear your voice and picture the way it felt to stand close to you. I wonder if you ever think of me, too…but I guess I’ll never know.

They say that this is actually quite common in modern relationships, that it’s so easy for someone to vanish into thin air, to “ghost you.” I didn’t think that was really something true, and I definitely never thought that it would happen to me by you.

I may never know why you left, or why you never answer my calls. I may never know the truth of how you felt or if it was all some lie. What I do know is this: I’m not letting you take it all from me, I won’t let you have my voice. I can still speak my truth, I can still say what I need to say to you.

Really, though, all I wanted to say was what was left unsaid by both me and you.

Goodbye.

Sincerely,

The Girl That Was Loved and Ghosted TC mark

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