This Is How You Fall In Love With Someone Who Doesn’t Deserve You

Alivia Latimer

I tried not to fall in love with you. In fact, I fought it tooth and nail. I tried to dull my feelings, tried my hardest to distract. I knew that it would end in pain, I knew in my heart you’d never feel the same. Fighting reality is useless, though, and in the end, my feelings won over my brain.

This is how you fall in love with someone who doesn’t deserve you.

It started with your kindness, a simple offer that you made. After that moment, things were never quite the same. Then it was your smile, your eyes, your laugh. I found comfort in your presence and pleasure in your control. Before I knew it, I was consumed in you: body, mind, and soul.

This is how you fall in love with someone who doesn’t deserve you.

I worked hard to help you in nearly every aspect of your life. I spent hours with you just listening, sometimes then giving you advice. I was there for all your breakups, for your worries, for your success. I pushed you to work hard, I even helped you meet your man.

This is how you fall in love with someone who doesn’t deserve you.

But then entered my struggle: an extreme time of pain. At first, I tried to do it on my own, I tried to fight alone. I needed help, though, and you were always just so kind. So I pushed myself into you, I gave you all of my heart. I knew this made me vulnerable, but at that moment I didn’t care. I poured myself into your hands, just hoping you’d hold tight.

This is how you fall in love with someone who doesn’t deserve you.

You said you’d always be there, you said you’d always care. You told me what I meant to you, you told me what a blessing in your life I really was. But there were also times you proved unavailable, or all the times you’d suddenly cancel like it was no big deal. I know you have anxiety…but I have BPD. To you, that may mean nothing, but to me, it explains it all.

This is how you fall in love with someone who doesn’t deserve you.

I fell in love with you entirely: body, mind, and soul. You never asked for all of that, you just wanted us to be friends. Sure, I helped you out a lot and supported you with all my heart. But then I asked the world of you: I asked you to be a savior and my shelter from the storm. That wasn’t what you signed up to do, not at all what you bargained for. You didn’t deserve what I was giving, none of it at all.

So I fell in love with someone who didn’t deserve me, someone who didn’t deserve that baggage at all. You’d done nothing but give me kindness, you’d done nothing to receive my shit. I’m sorry for what I gave to you, but sadly I can’t take it back. The truth is, nobody deserves me, nobody deserves any of this. I’m something truly filled with darkness, something purely black. Nobody wants the storm inside me…especially not you. I think part of me will always love you, but with this, I’ll let you go.

Goodbye, my love. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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