I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our love, trying to find the words to explain it. I know that our love has always been different, it’s been unlike anything I experienced before you came into my life and I’ve yet to find anyone else that makes me feel quite the same. Our love seems to truly be one of a kind, and only kind of understood by the two of us, but nobody else.
Our love isn’t what they show on the movie screen, it isn’t written in any books (at least none that I’ve ever read). Our love isn’t the roaring fire or unstoppable extreme passion. Our love doesn’t simply live in the physical, and sometimes lacks a physical aspect at all. Our love isn’t a kind of desire or craving like my constant want of chocolate; our love isn’t that itch that we long to scratch.
If I had to pick a way to objectify our love, I am not even sure I’d know what to say. I have stared at feeling wheels, emotion cards, and all the colors of the rainbow, but I’ve never been able to find one single word or color to label our love. Does this mean that our love is indescribable?
I don’t really know how to tell others about our love because they really don’t seem to understand. Some people say they’ve never seen anything like it while others say they think that it’s not there at all. Maybe it’s just that they can’t see what we can feel.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our love, our crazy, unique kind of love. I’ve been thinking about the way I feel when I see you play with our children or hear you read them a story. I’ve been thinking about the enjoyment I get from something as simple as playing a card game or having a drink with you. I’ve been thinking about the way your face looks when you are trying your best to solve a problem. I’ve been thinking about the way you don’t even miss a beat when you fart. I’ve been thinking about how I always smile as I watch you sleep (and how our youngest child has the exact same facial expressions as you while she snoozes, too). I’ve been thinking about how it always surprises me when you offer a hug or bend down for a kiss and I try to hide my excitement as I tend to enjoy it way more than I should.
I know that a lot has made you question my love over the last two seasons. I can’t say I blame you, because our love is so weird. I know that you wonder if the love is fading away or if it is different because it wasn’t made to last. I’ve wondered it, too. Here’s the thing though: all those times that I have found myself in those other kinds of love, the ones filled with the heat and desire, I’ve found that the flames die just as quickly as they ignite. Yet, through it all, after all these years and roads we’ve traveled: my love for you has never left, it’s simply evolved with the times. It’s moved and changed just as much as my moods and where I leave my keys.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our love and how much I love our kind of love. It’s different, it’s strange, but it’s just as it should be. Our love is truly…us.