Latest Posts

Everyone I've Fallen In Love With

Ate pizza side by side, standing up, and joked about the “Pizza Nazis” who ran the store. Showed him the building I lived in when I was depressed at art school and the fried chicken place where I binge-ate several times a week. The sun was shining in the sleepy way it does around 3PM at the end of summer.

The Five Lost Movie Roles of Nicolas Cage

Nicolas Cage ardently fought for what would become Salma Hayek’s ultimately forgettable performance as fiery Mexican painter, Frida Kahlo – hand-delivering the director one self-portrait in the style of Kahlo per day.

Lies I Have Told

I don’t remember when I began saying I was allergic to honeydew melon, but I know it was a long time ago. Honeydew melon seems like an appealingly quirky thing to have an allergic reaction to. My dad is allergic to honeydew melon. One time my throat itched a little after eating it. Stopped lying about this last year.

Guide To Vague Relationships

A vague relationship basically feels like a real relationship, only it’s harder to tell when it’s okay to cuddle. Vague relationships can last anywhere from 0 to 8 years, but are usually just a few months long. You can have a vague relationship with your co-worker, your friend, your friend’s brother, your brother’s friend, your co-worker’s brother, your brother’s co-worker, your friend’s brother’s co-worker, or your brother’s co-worker’s friend – but not your brother.

Everyone I’ve Had Sex With

Kyle was the most attractive guy at a Halloween party this year so we had sex in the basement. Unfortunately it was the basement of a girl who didn’t know that people have sex at parties sometimes, and had a little sister who screamed, “get out of my house!”

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