Thought Catalog

Everyone I’ve Had Sex With

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Adam: I had a big fixation on him that lasted all of high school. It happened my first year of college, on leap year, 2004. I’m glad it was him, I was a little drunk so I don’t remember feeling that self-conscious during it, but afterwards I did. It hurt, but in an exciting way. There were a lot of awkward moments. I weighed a lot then, probably 165. We used a condom, it was strawberry flavored, and my underpants said “POW!” on them like a Roy Lichtenstein. One of the best kissers. It was at a party which raised money for a hard cider home brewery. I bled on the sheets and he got them cleaned. Nice person. Terrible ex-girlfriend who he was still in love with. I was convinced that this ruined my life for awhile, but I don’t feel that way anymore.

Jake: I also had a crush on him in high school, based solely on physical attraction. If someone had told me in high school that I would someday have sex with either of these guys, I wouldn’t have believed it — not because they were ‘out of my league’, because I was painfully shy and insecure and didn’t really even talk to boys until my junior year of high school. Jake didn’t use a condom because I was on birth control, and that really shocked me, I used to think any time you didn’t use a condom you automatically got pregnant. We hooked up for a few years, on and off. Never kissed me, unless I asked.

Noah: We met in college. He was in acting school and had a fairy tattoo. One time we smoked weed under the el tracks and started making out. He liked Paul Simon a lot. Sex was kind of routine, but okay, he was a mechanical kisser. We didn’t use condoms. Happened a few times.

Nick: We went to summer session at an art school together in high school, then both ended up at the same college. He got in a car accident and died last year. I had a big crush on him, but he didn’t want to date me. We only had sex once, in the laundry room, standing up. My friend walked in on us. It was his second time. We didn’t use a condom. He told me I looked like a Greek statue.

Jess: Jess is a girl and she gave me my first orgasm from another person. We hooked up twice. We were really good friends. I wish we hooked up more. I wish we were still friends. It felt weird giving/receiving oral sex to a girl, like my head was above my body, and it was surfing or something. I don’t know how to describe it.

Ryan: Ryan ‘got lucky’ because he was a boy who hung out with Jess and I one night and we had a threesome. He reminded me of Frodo, I wasn’t attracted to him. We didn’t use a condom. We had sex for maybe three minutes. It only happened once. It wasn’t good.

Derek: Derek was Jess’ ex-boyfriend and one night we stayed up all night talking, I forget how that happened. We had a really good talk, got sleepy, and started spooning. Then we had sex. It was dry and unmotivated, I remember thinking “why am I even doing this?” We didn’t use a condom. I don’t think he came either. He said he owed me one. Only happened once.

Mike: Mike is Jake’s brother. We were/are really good friends. One night on spring break, a bunch of us had a fire in the woods and ate hot dogs. Mike came over to my house after that and we watched Return of the Living Dead and Night of the Living Dead, I think. We ended up spooning on the couch and touching each other’s faces for a long time. He took off his glasses and asked when my parents would be awake. I said “late,” and then it happened. It was really good, I was very attracted to him and he was a great kisser. I had a big crush on him that didn’t go away for awhile. We’ve hooked up several times. I’ve had a few orgasms with him. No condoms. Maybe once we used one.

Anonymous guy: We had sex at a friend’s party. I was drunk and I didn’t want to and I think I started crying and made him stop.

Dave: I’m surprised I remember Dave’s name. He followed me home from this party one night and we had sex in my creaky loft bed. I didn’t want to have sex. I had my period. I was drunk. He was persistent and I think I was really bored the whole time. He ‘dirty talked’ and it was annoying. I was mean to him. After he finished he said, “uh, one of us is bleeding,” and I said, “oh my god, is it your first time!?” and he followed me into the shower. I said, “you can wash up but then you have to go.” He wanted to stay. It was probably a 45 minute train ride back to his dorm. The next day he called me and asked if I had AIDS. I said, “no.” We didn’t use a condom.

Justin: Justin and I dated for a year. It was a shitty relationship but I think I just really wanted to be with someone, which is a shitty reason to be with someone, but I didn’t realize it at the time. Sex was okay, he gave me orgasms. It got boring/routine pretty fast. I ‘wore the pants’ in this relationship, which he didn’t mind on the surface, but I think it actually bothered him a lot. We had melodramatic fights. One night after I broke up with him, he sexually assaulted me and I dropped out of school. No condoms, ever, I don’t think.

Neil: Neil and I dated in high school and I broke up with him. Then we weren’t friends. Then we were friends. Then we were really good friends. Then I thought I was in love with him and we had sex one night. He gave me an orgasm. Then I told him I was in love with him and he rejected me. We somehow pushed through it and are good friends. I feel very comfortable having sex with him, I don’t feel self-conscious. One time he tried to fist me, and it felt very intimate and good, which surprised me. He’s physically curious in a way I feel I also am. Everything feels heightened with him. There is an open line of communication during sex, which feels natural and genuine. I have orgasms. We use condoms, mostly.

Steve: Steve was my other serious relationship. Over winter break 2006, I hung out with Neil a lot, and Neil hung out with Steve a lot, so I also hung out with Steve. I was still dating Justin at this time. Then I broke up with Justin. Then the thing with Neil happened. About a week later Steve and I drank mead and hooked up at Neil’s apartment. Then we hung out a lot, and decided to try a long distance relationship. Then I dropped out of school and it wasn’t long distance anymore. Sex was consistently good, sometimes great, I always had orgasms, he was a good kisser, he had a scar on his lower lip which I liked to feel. I felt an understanding with him that I have yet to feel with another person. We listened to the Velvet Underground’s “Self-titled” and Broken Social Scene’s “Feel Good Lost” a lot when we did it. I was the ‘big spoon,’ almost always. I broke up with him and treated him poorly towards the end, then immediately regretted it and drunk dialed him a lot. I regret a lot with him. We met at the wrong time. Sometimes we used condoms. He is a good person. We don’t talk.

Ricky: Ricky and I used to work at the same place. We dated for a month, after I broke up with Steve. After Ricky and I dated, Steve and I dated again for a month, and were ‘confusing’ for another two months. Ricky was a very good guy but not for me. Sex was pretty good, kind of too violent sometimes, but I still had frequent orgasms. He ‘dirty talked,’ and that always kind of removes me from sex, it makes it a parody or something. We used condoms.

Vincent: Vincent was an influence in my decision to break up with Steve, but I didn’t want to admit that for a long time. He was one of Neil’s friends. We flirted one Halloween and at his Christmas party we had sex. We sometimes had ‘dates,’ which were confusing. I was never sure if they were dates or we were just hanging out, but 97% of the time they would end in sex. One time at a big dance party I got extremely drunk and cried a lot and asked him why he didn’t love me, and talked about how existence is meaningless while sobbing for about two hours. We still hung out and hooked up after that. Our ‘thing’ lasted from January to March, then carried into July a little. I still like him a lot, despite. He lives far away now, and has a girlfriend. We always used condoms. He is a great kisser. Sex was adventurous, imaginative, very intense and had lots of eye contact. He never went down on me, though. One time we fell asleep on his basement floor, holding each other.

Jamie: Jamie is a girl. She was a very good kisser. It felt different in a good way, but I always feel confused when I’m with girls, like I’m one step outside of myself, watching myself. We have the same bedspread. She’s funny and I like her a lot. I wish I felt like I could have a relationship with a girl.

Anthony: I visited my former college to go to homecoming with my old friends. I met Anthony while dancing. He was a freshman and it was his first time. He was a really good kisser. I bought him and his friends a handle of gin (they paid me back) and we hung out in my old dorm. It was nice. I wanted him to be sure he wanted his first time to be with a stranger, he said he did. I left right after it happened. We used a condom.

Will: Will is Jake and Mike’s older brother. One day after a bonfire he asked if I wanted to come over to his house and smoke a bowl. We ended up having sex for ten hours, nonstop. It’s the longest I’ve ever had sex with anyone. We hooked up/hung out from February to May. We had a lot of fun together, he would make me breakfast and dinner and liked to be sung to. It felt like a relationship but it wasn’t. I wanted it to be, so I ended it. For a few months during Will’s and my thing, I was also hanging out with Vincent probably once a week. I thought that if I put together these two non-relationships that felt like relationships, they would make one whole one. Not really, though. We never used condoms, and I wasn’t on birth control. We have the same sense of humor. He had a foot fetish. He went down on me a lot. I had lots of orgasms. I liked being with someone who had a foot fetish.

Frank: Frank and I worked at the same place for awhile, but then he quit. We flirted a lot at work. One night I asked him to come over. He said “oh baby” and used my name a lot. I didn’t like it. I think I had to stop myself from laughing a few times. Afterwards I was hungry, so we got falafel. It was maybe two in the morning. He said grace before eating his falafel. I asked him what that was about. He said one time he did acid and saw god or something, and now he blesses his food. He mumbled a lot and didn’t make eye contact. I tried to get him to leave for about two hours and he finally did at four in the morning. Never responded to his text messages or calls after that. We used a condom.

Kevin: I was roommates with Kevin, but then we had sex and I think it made our relationship more complicated than it should’ve been. I was the aggressor. I wanted to date him. We had sex maybe twice, but a lot of nights we would make out or I would blow him and he would tell me to go to sleep. We got in huge fights and projected a lot of shit onto each other, I think. He never went down on me. He was a very good kisser and we used condoms. I felt intensely attracted to him. I never had an orgasm. I feel positively about him now.

Josh: Josh and I met at my work. He was very shy and we had the same sense of humor. He only mentioned to me once that he had a girlfriend, and it was to tell me that they broke up, but I inferred that it was probably a more ‘complicated’ situation than that. We hung out and hooked up a few times this summer, but I wasn’t sure if it was a ‘just sex’ thing and honestly I’m tired and bored of wondering this all of the time with guys, so I wasn’t motivated to find out what he thought. He was maybe the best kisser I’ve kissed. We used condoms, mostly. I would’ve liked to date him, under different circumstances.

James: I had known James through mutual friends for about five years, and this summer there were people over and he was one of them. I’ve always been attracted to him. He has a way of looking at you, but not at you, just past you or something. Pretty good/average kisser. Probably the most ‘adventurous’ person in bed. He lasted a long time. I had an orgasm. He wanted to do it again in the morning but I had to work. We didn’t use condoms. I said, “I hope you don’t have Secret AIDS,” he said, “I hope you don’t have Secret Pregnancy” and we laughed and parted ways. I feel good about this. (As of right now, I’m not pregnant nor do I have AIDS).

Kyle: Kyle was the most attractive guy at a Halloween party this year so we had sex in the basement. Unfortunately it was the basement of a girl who didn’t know that people have sex at parties sometimes, and had a little sister who screamed, “get out of my house!” This was a ridiculous experience and I think it’s funny, I almost can’t believe it happened. We didn’t use a condom. He was an okay kisser I think. It was just alright. We were both drunk. I was dressed up like a piece of pizza. I don’t think he had a costume.

Age at first time: 18 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, 0 days
Age at present: 23 years, 2 months, 2 weeks, 2 days
Total penetrative sex partners: 21
Total males: 21
Total females: 2 (2 not mentioned, I’m not sure they count as sex, it was just making out and fingering)
Total oral sex partners: 20-30
Oral sex giving to receiving ratio: 9:3 (probably)
Total official relationships: 4
Total ambiguous relationships: 9
Total one night stands: 11
Total partners I’ve said “I love you” to: 3, and maybe two .5’s
Total partners who have said “I love you” to me: 3.5
Alcohol involved in first sexual encounter: 13
Marijuana involved in first sexual encounter: 2
Total STD’s: 0
Total pregnancies: 0
Butt sex: 0
Came on my face: 0
Came on my tits/stomach/back/ass: 2+
Asked beforehand: 2
Places I’ve had sex: All rooms a house can have (not counting the garage), car, on a blanket under a tree, the woods, public bathroom, maybe — probably, laundry room, trampoline, started to on the top/roof of a construction site at night (he was not a construction worker).
What I felt after completing the list: Satisfied for having completed a task, surprised at how many details I remember, surprised at how passive I’ve been, detached from myself, angry at myself a little bit, self-pity a little bit, sad about failed relationships, happy remembering some moments/times of my life, irrationally hopeful, glad that I’m not in the past, puzzled at why I divert to other people to decide things about my personal safety, relieved that I don’t have AIDS or children. TC mark

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    • a polar bear

      i had to press the space bar like twelve times just to get here, 'bodes [word meaning both positively and negatively, without being neutral]' seem 'initially [word combining prefix 'pre-' with 'assured']' that you have pop art underwear.
      wonder if this is a 'response' to that 'whole shittalking situation at duke'.
      at 'anonymous guy,' my favourite guy so far is the one who you went to summer session with. is 'anonymous guy' anonymous at his request or because you don't remember his name? i think these are all pseudonyms (hopefully?) so i don't know.
      'jesus.' i am up to the second girl, this seems really confusing, i feel like saying 'i feel better about my 'sex life''. can someone make this a 'web' or 'infographic,' or something.
      feel 'satisfied' with the self-imposed q+a, otherwise this comment would have been 'a lot longer, seriously.'
      i think this was a good article, i hope you will write more.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        i don't know about shittalking at duke. wrote this in february 2009 in an attempt to get organized or something.

        anonymous guy is anonymous because i don't remember his name. they're all pseudonyms.

        thanks polar bro.

        • Jake Mercer.

          holyshit…..she has lived the exact same life as me. just with an opposing gender. :o

        • wbg

          Can I fuck you Megan Boyle?

      • Inktastesbitter

        Polar Bear,

        You write like a parody of Tao Lin.

    • chris r

      read this on your blog a while.

      good stuff.

    • Guest

      Interesting

    • http://twitter.com/WellReadWife The Well-Read Wife

      I read this on the Muumuu House site too I think (?). Well done. It's equal parts funny/disturbing/sad (to me anyways). I think the clinical sounding statistics at the end are what disturb me a little, but it's also my favorite part of the piece.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        hi wellreadwife, i like reading your comments, they're always thoughtful and personal. i'm glad you felt affected by the list. it was on muumuu first, yes.

    • rustyjames

      can i have the rights to make a movie?

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        go for it, carpe diem

    • mbfan1

      this is an impressive list for a woman who weighs 150+ pounds. you must have a very nice personality. congratulations on both counts.

      • a polar bear

        i like your username, guy.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        sup mbfan1, i've weighed somewhere around 125-135 pounds from “Jake” until present. i am 5'7″. i guess my personality is debatable.

        measurements at 'fat time' were 37-31-40
        measurements at 'yesterday morning' were 34-27-36

        no homo…

      • Apparently Impressive

        I didn't know it was difficult for a woman who weighs 150+ pounds to find sexual partners. I am also 150+ pounds (and 5'10″) and have no trouble finding sexual partners. And surely I have a terrible personality.

    • Madison Moore

      uh-mazing.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        sweeeeeet

    • http://twitter.com/Ezluch Aria K

      That was such an uninspiring set of sexual encounters, from the start to finish–well, sort of because I skipped the whole thing after the first 5. All the escapades were mundane and superficial, really, nothing to take from this long list of East Village type debauchery.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        cool aria k

        hope you don't mind me responding to your comment 4 months late

        that's what i feel like sex is like, i was trying to be honest. also, i live in baltimore with my dad (re “east village”)

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        24 likes on your comment, damn

        damn

        why is this my life…

    • http://Blommit.com Joey Camire

      It was weird for me because I feel like I've had situations where a girl somewhere would say each one of these things about me. I felt like I was reading my ex-hook-ups/girlfriends thoughts or something. At least what I thought they should think afterward.

      I feel creepy. Like I was metaphorically having sex with you through the piece. Like you drew me in, all innocent at the beginning, and half way through you grabbed my ass and tried to slide a finger in. I mean that in the most complimentary way possible. So there is that.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        glad you said that was complimentary…

        13 likes on your comment, damn

        • http://Blommit.com Joey Camire

          You mean… you don't like the idea of digitally violating me? It was actually quite enjoyable… stockholm syndrome?

    • http://www.facebook.com/baccho Baccho Umbertis

      Probably not the intended reaction but this makes me wish we had a friend in common

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        lol, damn

      • aok

        LOL

    • anon

      would a guy get hated on for writing somethingl ike this… i'm gonna go w/ yes

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        whoa, 15 likes on your comment…nice

        yeah i think a guy would get hated on probably

    • Jeff

      Very enjoyable read. Extremely. Very extremely.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        hi jeff, i'm glad you liked it

    • LSS

      you slept with 3 brothers? DANNNNG, girl.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        ;)

    • jena

      This is fucking wonderful.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        sweet, jena :)

    • LB

      This is amazing. I keep a list of my hook-ups as well, although mine doesn't have summaries of the sexual partners. I want to add on to it after reading this

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        cool lb

    • ice hole

      21 male partners, all of whom engaged in “intercourse” as it's commonly understood, often without condoms. End result, no STDs, no pregnancies.

      Damn, you should spend some time in Vegas.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        i got married in vegas

    • Joboo

      You should make a timeline to go along with this, showing overlaps and such. This was a very interesting read.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        i like that idea, thanks joboo

    • Deathcum Redacted

      lol jesus what a whore

      • Ariamkay

        lol jesus what a (probably sexist) idiot

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        tell me about it…

    • Scan

      The Kind Of Life I Had — Stop Child Abuse NOW! since 1975 to 2000 from Donora, Pennsylvania to
      Portland and Eugene, Oregon by a Survivor and Handicapped. Full details of magazines and newspaper
      that was written about Paul M. McLaughlin from Donora, Pennsylvania. Maybe some education can be told about this short history. http://www.efn.org/~scan Stop Child Abuse NOW! scan@efn.org

      Paul M. McLaughlin
      Stop Child Abuse NOW!
      298 Hunington Ave.
      Eugene, Oregon 97405

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        cool comment interesting perspective on life dance like you've never been hurt love like no one's watching

    • http://twitter.com/gembolding Guido Vermeulen

      Wauw, you put it out there!:D I mean the list, not the …well, that too, but you know what I mean…

    • Anoony

      Oral sex giving to receiving ratio: 9:3 (probably)

      That's sad.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        tell me about it…

    • gadflyyy

      This kind of made me feel better about how I think about and have sex.

      And glad I use condoms.

    • duylam

      i fucking love you megan

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        :)

    • SexEd

      Hey, thanks for the read.

      I'd just like to clarify that one cannot catch or transmit AIDS, but rather HIV. AIDS (Acquired Immuno Deficiency Syndrom) is a result of having HIV, a high HIV viral load, low white-blood (CD4 or T-Cell) cell count and opportunistic infections. No hating on your sex life, but just saying that it would be impossible for you to have AIDS if you didn't have HIV first. Almost 70% of new infections come from people who don't know that they have it. Here is a great webiste for more HIV related info: http://www.avert.org/

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        i'm going to die…

        oh my god

        i'm really going to die

        neways glad you liked the read

    • AnitaBath

      I might be coming to the party a little late, but I found this on StumbleUpon and enjoyed the read. Not to get all preachy, but AIDS (HIV) and pregnancy aren't the only bad things that can come from unprotected sex. At first, I honestly thought this was going to be a lessen in wrapping it up and at the end you were going to admit to contracting some horrible disease. I'm glad it wasn't that, but I find it kind of bad (irresponsible?) that you didn't even feel the need to maybe mention that having THAT much unprotected sex with guys you barely knew was extremely dangerous. Hell, that much unprotected sex with guys you know extremely well is dangerous.

      I hope you've been tested, and not just for HIV. At this point, it's pretty much a guaranteed thing that you have at least one type of HPV, so I hope you're getting paps regularly.

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        “you didn't even feel the need to maybe mention that having THAT much unprotected sex with guys you barely knew was extremely dangerous.”

        i feel like i wouldn't want to read something where the author gave a “this is extremely dangerous” disclaimer. i don't think i'd ever feel interested in writing a “cautionary” thing, seems like, tired and presumptuous. here are some other reasons why:

        1. spelling out what “extremely dangerous” means would suggest i didn't view my audience as capable of knowing what risky behaviors are. if someone wrote an article called “I DRANK SNAKE VENOM!!!” i think it would be less interesting to follow it with “you can die from this, guys…” and more interesting to follow it with “an old man gave it to me in a vile for $12.”
        2. i think it would be off-putting to read an article where the author is giving advice or precautions, especially with autobiographical things. especially-er with something as intimate as sex.
        3. eating a lot of processed foods also seems “extremely dangerous.” it's “extremely dangerous” to get in a car. it's “extremely dangerous” to do anything, if you think about it. sex has felt like something i've liked to do, not always for reasons that made me feel good long-term, but it's something i've done and at least made my life more interesting, so i feel like it's better than other “extremely dangerous” things i've encountered (or at least, more interesting to write/read about).
        4. i don't feel like i ever want to tell people what to do. i didn't write this to tell people what to do.

        i hope your vagina is also free of diseases too, cool.

        • 23023508

          1. a. Some people honestly don't know (it seems you don't either, considering how you don't know the difference between AIDS and HIV in the article). b. You can put both, you know, on the snake example. You using this example also demonstrates that on some level you know what you're exposing yourself to. c. Writing an article with no rebuke implies endorsement.
          2. a. I'm with you on the preachiness about sex, I don't care what other people do, but if you don't intend to give any message to the audience whatsoever, then I don't really understand why this isn't a journal entry. b. I'm confused- do you think authors don't give a point to what they write, that they shouldn't? Because almost 100% of the time, at least with good authors, there is certainly a message.
          3. Eating processed foods, even a lot of them is not “extremely dangerous.” Getting into a car is not “extremely dangerous.” Having sex, even lots of it, is not “extremely dangerous.” That said, getting into a car drunk, in a snowstorm, at night, with no seatbelt, IS dangerous. The same way, having copious amounts of unprotected sex IS dangerous.
          4. a. See #2. b. You, on some level, ARE telling people what to do, or at least justifying behaviors. Your example of the snake venom implies to me that you do know on some level how dangerous this can be. In the comments, many people are saying your track record makes them feel better about their own. You are essentially making it an acceptable behavior despite your proclamations that you aren't trying to send any message.

        • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

          i stopped after “some people honestly don't know”

          why can't everyone just chill out…

          why can't we all just…

          damn, just read “acceptable behavior” and “proclamations,” this comment is looking pretty serious at a glance…

          you numbered and lettered your points, jesus, you must be really mad at me…

        • 23023508

          Apparently you cannot recognize mocking rhetorical strategy (in case you still don't get it, I was continuing the pattern left by you and the person you responded to), nor accept any argument that may be taken as too “serious” or verbose in regards to copious amounts of unprotected sex.

        • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

          i wasn’t mocking the person i responded to.

          it seemed like you wanted to argue with me about choices i make with my sex life or my writing. i argue with people i’m sexually involved with sometimes, though not usually about the sex itself, and i don’t like arguing with anyone about writing. i think i mostly felt exasperated by responding to negative comments when i wrote my last comment to you.

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