Stop Pushing Me To Have Kids, Because I Don’t Want Them (Yet)

Lightstock, Forgiven Photography
Lightstock, Forgiven Photography

Dirty diapers, endless wailing, and expensive formula. Babies are a ton of work, and I don’t want one. At least not right now.

Being a newlywed, the first question people ask us about is our reproduction plans, like it’s somehow their business. It’s just plain obnoxious.

What if I decided I didn’t want children? How would we go about answering that question in a positive way? “Sorry, Grandma, I know I’m the last surviving kin with our last name, but…” Yeah, that would go over well at parties.

If, for some reason, we couldn’t have children, how rude would that question be? It’s intrusive as it is, but knowing that there are so many couples out there that cannot conceive, it’s extremely ignorant. I realize there is no malice meant by my friends and family, and I know they would be utterly ashamed if this were the case, but it still rubs me the wrong way. So please just stop asking us this damn question.

This is why I don’t want to be a mother: I’m currently making next to nothing at a job I’m overqualified for. I enjoy the work I do, but it’s certainly not a job I plan on keeping for the rest of my life. There are so many other careers I want to explore before I settle into my “forever job,” you know, the kind of job our parents have and stay at forever. If I have no idea what I’ll be doing next year, how can I be financially stable?

On top of that, my other half is still an active member in the U.S. Army. In my mind, his job is really dangerous and unstable. Sure, we have great health care, our house is paid for, and we have pretty minimal bills right now. But he could receive orders at the drop of a hat. That means we could have to move or he could be deployed for a good part of the year. Quite frankly, I don’t want to go through that, let alone make my child go through that.

Now, let’s not forget we’re still new to this whole marriage thing. Call me selfish, but I want some time to ourselves. Honestly, we’ve had our share of highs and lows already. We still struggle to balance friends, family, and our marriage in a successful way. Bringing a baby into the mix would make it even tougher to manage our relationship and our outside relationships.

And finally, the biggest anti-baby thing I want to do is travel. I refuse to be the mom with the crying baby on the 18-hour flight overseas. Nope. Not happening. I want to be able to travel the world on my terms. I don’t want to be held back and then resent my own baby. I don’t want to look back and regret that I never gave myself a chance to do what I wanted to do.

Let’s be honest, we all know that babies suck the life out of you. Right now, I’m only in my twenties and I’m just not ready to give up all the fun I’m having. There is still so much life left to experience before I am cooped up at home with the newborn.

Babies require sacrifice after sacrifice and they won’t understand all that you gave up until they become parents themselves. Talk about an endless cycle.

Despite all of this, babies are adorable. I’m not sure when, but eventually I do want to have children. They are a blessing and I don’t believe having a one is a death sentence.

When I am ready to procreate, it will be an experience unlike any other, and I am excited for that time. I want to give my children all they deserve and more, and that means there is no place for them in this world quite yet. TC mark

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