All I wanted was to eat my taco at lunch and watch Dawson’s Creek on Netflix, but NO. Some random lady was all “is this seat taken?” “can’t believe it’s so cold outside in May!” and just like that, I had to go sit in my car alone in the rain like some sort of Ted Bundy psycho just to get a little peace and quiet.
Listen lady, I don’t care. I’d rather drown myself in one of the puddles out front than talk about the weather with you while I try to house these delicious tacos for lunch. Right now, I am just trying to watch Dawson stomp off after a fight with Joey and really need you to STFU because shit is getting real in Capeside.
I’m all about meeting new people. I love it. In the right setting, I will talk to anyone. But if I am eating lunch alone at work- we don’t have to talk. If we are on an elevator together and no one just died in front of us- no need to chat. Here’s a list of reasons why a stranger should talk to me:
1. You are giving me free tickets to any event whatsoever.
2. You are giving me money.
3. You want to get me drunk.
4. You have free tacos hidden in your coat and are passing them out.
5. My boob is hanging out and you are letting me know.
6. You are giving away food samples at Costco.
7. You are a dog.
8. You are Ryan Gosling.
9. You want to tell me you think I am smart/pretty/funny/have great hair/have long eyelashes (seriously can’t get enough of that).
10. You are my/a therapist.
11. You are my TV.
12. We are in Spain and you are sexy and don’t speak any English and wear deodorant.
13. You are my attorney.
14. I’m about to get run over by a car and you are telling me to move. Other than that, I’m good.