This Is How It Felt When You Let Me Go

The Stones may have been onto something here – you were my footloose man.

It’s always how I felt when I was with you. I had you, but I didn’t have you. You looked at me, but you didn’t look at me. When we kissed, you kissed me, and there were times I would get lost and forget everything. Forget you didn’t really want me. Because you warned me you didn’t want me. And I refused to listen.

Because I thought I had met my connection. I thought you were my footloose man.

Because I wanted you, and all of you, every piece that was broken or hurt or convinced I was like everyone else before. I wanted to prove I wasn’t the same. I wouldn’t judge you. I wouldn’t hurt you. I wouldn’t make you feel like you didn’t deserve more. Because you do.

Because I knew I had met my connection. I knew you were my footloose man.

There were days when I was so sure of everything – of you, of us, of what you really wanted instead of what you said you wanted. Then there were the days when uncertainty would crash over me and doubt would settle in. How could you be with me if you didn’t really want me? 

I thought that if I tried we would get ourselves what we need.

So you set me free. You thought things didn’t have an ending but for me you know they did. And leaving you that night was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. You walked away and you looked back. Goodbye wasn’t really goodbye. 

You said you were letting me go so I could get what I need.

I found myself plummeting into the abyss of missing you, forgetting what it felt like to hold your hand and kiss your skin. But I also found it freeing. Of course I would miss you. Every second of every day. But there are also moments where I can breathe again. I couldn’t have you, and I couldn’t fight for you any more than I already had. Even though I wanted you, something else was what we both needed. We needed to find ourselves before we could operate as one. And so you learn your lesson…

You can’t always get what you want. But sometimes, when you stop trying, will get you exactly what you need. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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