It has nothing to do with your partner, and everything to do with you. I wish I’d realized it sooner.
I’ve dated quite a few guys and have been in just about every type of relationship there is to be had. Non-committal, committal, I’ve broken hearts, and I’ve had my heart broken so badly that I thought I would never be able to breathe again. Though in each of my relationships I found myself feeling like something was missing. I’d blame them for everything. I’d accuse them of not caring more about my feelings, or my passions, or hobbies. I’d think the problem was rooted in something they’d done wrong, or I’d point a finger at anything they believed in that I didn’t agree with, and I’d use it all as an excuse to justify the reason for my unhappiness.
For the past six years or so, I’ve felt like their victim… that being strung along by a slew of men who were completely wrong for me was just a really unfortunately long streak of bad luck. I attributed it to being a typical twenty-something girl experiencing typical twenty-something life.
Anyone can create an excuse as to why they are unhappy, but how often can we admit that it is ourselves who create the problem?
I recently met somebody who has unknowingly helped me piece all of my thoughts together.
Looking back on every one of my failed relationships, I realize that the men themselves were not really the reason for my unhappiness. After all, they were all just being themselves and I’d scrutinize them for it. While they could be honest enough to show me who they really were, I was never honest enough to show them the real me. I tried to fit into each of my exes’ lifestyles, and I put all of my dreams and passions to the side. It was because I wanted to feel accepted. I thought that if they knew how much I cared, they would fall for me even harder.
I let my own fear prevent me from what I really wanted. A relationship built on honesty and trust, and respect. I let the fear of losing a dishonest relationship prevent me from finding an incredibly real and loving one.
In relationships, sometimes we scare ourselves into thinking that the worst is going to happen if we tell our partner everything that’s running through our mind. So we vent our frustrations and concerns to our friends or family we know we can rely on. But why not tell our partner the problem directly? Why wouldn’t you want to go straight to the one person you are supposed to be able to confide in? The person you’re supposed to tell anything and everything to, your partner for life, your best friend. After all, the worst that is going to happen is that he won’t take it very well and maybe he’ll leave you for it.
Well I guess we all just saved ourselves a guaranteed life of misery, didn’t we? Don’t we owe it to ourselves to be completely honest with the person we’re with? If I’d been honest with the men I spent my time with up until now, I would’ve been so much happier because I’d have spent more time with somebody who was actually capable of making me happy, instead of spending my time convincing myself that it might work out. Why would I want to be with somebody who doesn’t appreciate the whole me? Down to the core, down to the very heart of me… where every piece is hidden that stitches together the Not-For-Beginners puzzle of my soul. That is where I should be sitting pretty with the man I want to be committed to. I don’t want the man who will only finish half of the puzzle and then give up. I want the man who is not afraid to pick up those pieces one by one, analyze them, study them, respect them, and can brave the time it takes to fit all of those pieces into one big beautiful work of puzzle art.
Share everything with your partner. They are supposed to be your best friend, right? Why not tell your best friend everything? Just make sure it is coming from the authentic you, because those things are important to you and they make you happy.
It is beautiful and real to love somebody for every bit that they are, and to embrace their individuality. That is love. Trust me ladies, if he is your guy, then he will listen to what you have to say and he won’t cower. Women and men will always have different opinions on what is important in a relationship, but whatever those opinions are, talk about them with each other.
Bottom line is, if your man is really worth keeping around, then you need to be able to tell him every single solitary thing on your mind. Share with him all of your secrets, and I mean ALL of them. Don’t be afraid. The only people you are cheating are yourself, and your man, and why rip off the man that you care about, or love? Denying him the real you is not love, it’s hesitation and uncertainty, and fear. Love is not afraid. Keeping your thoughts bottled up is unfair and it’s cheating you both from what could be the perfect bond, because it’s something that only you two will share together. Nobody else. That’s what a real relationship is about. It’s having complete trust in your partner, with no hesitation, no yield signs planted firmly in the ground and no caution tape wrapped around it.
So the next time you find yourself questioning whether or not to tell your significant other what’s on your mind, your deepest, darkest secret or desire, your true passion… let ‘er rip! The worst that could happen is that you lose him. He’ll disagree, he’ll think that your interests are not significant, and he’ll walk away. You might be left heartbroken or disappointed, but eventually, you will move on, and in time you will meet a new love, and embark on a new adventure of beautiful, promising trust and commitment.
Sure, there will always be the fear of knowing that at any minute, the man you think is the one might walk away again. Well if that happens, then good riddance. If he walks away then he must not be the right one anyway.
Remind yourself that when you do meet the one who doesn’t walk, well, imagine finally feeling that comfort, that promise, that bond you always dreamed of having. Imagine that warm, happy feeling in your heart that somebody has indeed come along to help you stitch together all of those pieces of your soul with all of the pieces of his to make one beautiful masterpiece. Be honest with yourself and with him when you do find it, and never let it go.